Male comic book fans who deeply regret watching the Thor movies with their wives will finally get to turn the the tables later this year when Marvel introduces a new, female Thor, because Marvel apparently views Thors in the same way Deadpool views vampires (they're all Draculas). Announced on The View this morning, the original Thor will find himself unworthy of lifting his hammer (it happens to everyone, Thor), and he will be replaced by an unnamed female Thor as pictured below.
As you can see, this new female Thor has blond hair, but appears to have similar eye makeup to Angela, who has red hair. It was revealed in a spoilery press release about Original Sin that Angela is Thor's sister. We're not sure what Thor has done to lose his worthy status, as punching helpless teenagers in the gut during Avengers vs. X-Men didn't seem to phase him.
The move will mark the first time since 2011 that many comic book loving husbands will be able to look their wives in the eye after being emasculated by Chris Hemsworth's beautiful sexy shirtless body in the first Thor movie. Amy Terror giggled for three straight hours after watching it, and my love life has been accompanied by well-deserved feelings of shame and inadequacy ever since. Not that I can blame her. I mean, for fuck's sake:
It will be good to turn things around and find my mojo again. Thanks, Marvel and Whoopi Goldberg!
UPDATE: The Mary Sue has Marvel's official announcement, which contains about the same amount of information (very little) as our unofficial one:
Marvel is excited to announce an all-new era for the God of Thunder in brand new series, THOR, written by Jason Aaron (Thor: God of Thunder, Original Sin) complimented with art from Russell Dauterman (Cyclops).
This October, Marvel Comics evolves once again in one of the most shocking and exciting changes ever to shake one of Marvel’s “big three” – Captain American, Iron Man and Thor – Marvel Comics will be introducing an all-new THOR, GOD OF THUNDER. No longer is the classic male hero able to hold the mighty hammer, Mjölnir, a brand new female hero will emerge will who will be worthy of the name THOR. Who is she? Where did she come from and what is her connection to Asgard and the Marvel Universe?
“The inscription on Thor’s hammer reads ‘Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.’ Well it’s time to update that inscription,” says Marvel editor Wil Moss. “The new Thor continues Marvel’s proud tradition of strong female characters like Captain Marvel, Storm, Black Widow and more. And this new Thor isn’t a temporary female substitute – she’s now the one and only Thor, and she is worthy!”
Series writer Jason Aaron emphasizes, “This is not She-Thor. This is not Lady Thor. This is not Thorita. This is THOR. This is the THOR of the Marvel Universe. But it’s unlike any Thor we’ve ever seen before.”
THOR is the latest in the ever-growing and long list of female-centric titles that continues to invite new readers into the Marvel Universe. This female THOR is the 8th title to feature a lead female protagonist and aims to speak directly to an audience that long was not the target for Super Hero comic books in America: women and girls.