Monday, December 22, 2014 • Afternoon Edition • "Hope you survive the experience!"

Star Wars Episode 7 Rumored Plot Details and Official X-Wing Footage

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, July 21 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Star Wars Episode 7 Rumored Plot Details and Official X-Wing Footage

Luke Skywalker's severed hand and an X-Wing starfighter are the subjects of today's hit-grabbing articles all over the internet.


Source: Badass Digest

It's a day ending in Y, which means the internet has some juicy Star Wars Episode 7 gossip for you this morning. Let's start with the real stuff. As part of a UNICEF fundraiser, JJ Abrams posted a video that shows off the X-Wing fighter that will be used in the movie. It's noticeably lacking in lens flare, but we assure you, this is a real video made by Abrams:

Now that we've got that boring confirmed stuff out of the way, it's time to SPECULATE! Badass Digest claims to have gotten their hands on a plot synopsis for the film, and since those plot leaks for Superman v Batman: Dawn of Justice turned out to be so reliable, we figured you'd want to know about this one too. According to their report, Episode 7 starts out with Luke Skywalker's severed hand, clutching a light saber, falling from space to a "desert planet" where it's found by Daisy Ridley and John Boyega's characters. The pair take off into space to return the hand to the Galactic Alliance's official Department of Severed Jedi Hands and Interplanetary Agriculture, only to run into a geriatric Han Solo and Chewbacca, who are no longer piloting the Millennium Falcon, and have apparently escaped from the nursing home. They haven't seen Luke since the events of Return of the Jedi (a dig at the prequels?), and the foursome go on a quest to find him, making this film already a better Fantastic Four movie than the actual Fantastic Four movie. Also:

Meanwhile, on an ice planet, nefarious forces are building a super weapon, one capable of destroying not planets but entire solar systems...

 

The plot would obviously mirror A New Hope in many ways. Of course, this could all be complete bullshit. Certainly, we know that it was a malfunctioning door on the Millennium Falcon set that broke Harrison Ford's leg and caused production to be delayed, but they could steal that later in the film from a geriatric Billy Dee Williams or something. In any case, it should be taken with a grain of salt. I know, you instinctively want to trust a site that calls itself Badass Digest, but you have to be careful. Star Wars Episode 7 will be in theaters next summer, unless the set goes rogue again and decapitates Mark Hamill, in which case there could be another two week delay.






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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


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