After screenwriter Robert Orci bailed out of the Amazing Spider-Man franchise, rumors were swirling around the toilet that is the internet that the franchise was dead in the water, including the planned spinoff movie, Sinister Six. However, Sony put those fears to rest by announcing a November 11, 2016 release date for Sinister Six and a 2018 release window for Amazing Spider-Man 3 in San Diego today.
"We're doing fine!" shouted Sony Entertainment president Michael Lyndon from the deck of a large wooden ship which Sony sailed into the San Diego harbor. The main mast of the ship appeared to be cracked, and black smoke appeared to be rising from several small fires in the cabin. "No problems here!"
"What? In trouble? No way!" Lyndon yelled indignantly as several members of the production crew shoved past him to dive in the water while shouting, "Abandon Ship!"
Suddenly, a large wave swept over the ship from the starboard side, knocking Lyndon into the water, but first mate and president of Columbia Pictures Doug Belgrad quickly took his place, adding, "With Sinister Six in the hands of writer-director Drew Goddard, we feel extremely confident placing the film on a prime date in 2016.”
The ship then suddenly struck a large iceberg. "What the hell is that even doing here?!" Belgrad shrieked. "It's like a hundred degrees in San Diego!"
At press time, Belgrad had been overrun by a large swarm of rats fleeing the totally not sinking ship, though Lyndon had been picked up by CBR's yacht where he was being serviced by CBR writing staff in exchange for future exclusive access to fluff article material. Meanwhile, internet commenters were furiously planning ridiculous posts speculating that the rights to Spider-Man would soon return to Marvel. Stay tuned to The Outhouse for all your nautical updates, mateys!