A congressman from Utah is gathering support for a new law designed to harshly punish those who spoil movies and television shows on social media. Congressman Josh Figgins of Utah has drafted a new bill, the Defense of Movie Plots Act, that would punish those who spoil newly released movies and television shows within the first thirty days of their release. "Long has America's social media been plagued by awful people spoiling new movies and television shows," said Figgins at a press conference this morning. "It is time for Congress to act with punitive measures to punish those who spoil movies for others."
Figgins was pushed to act against movie spoilers after one of his staffers accidentally spoiled a minor plot element from the recently released Guardians of the Galaxy movie. "The staffer tweeted that the best part of the movie was the Nova Corps," Figgins said. "I was unaware that the Nova Corps was in the movie. My enjoyment of Guardians of the Galaxy has been ruined and there is no way for me to have that back."
As I verbally berated the staffer, I realized that millions of Americans are victimized by spoilers yearly," the congressman said. "We are a silent majority, and it is time to take a stance. My hope is that the Defense of Movie Plots Act will deliver justice to those who spoiled."
The Defense of Movie Plots Act proposes a variety of punishments for those found guilty of movie spoiling. Those who spoil minor plot elements would face fines of up to $10,000 per tweet or Facebook post. Those who give away details about major action sequences or the gag line of jokes would face jail time of up to twenty years. Most harshly punished are those who spoil major twists or the end of films. They would be sentenced to death by hanging, then their body would be carved into five pieces and displayed on pikes outside of movie theatres as a warning to others who are tempted to spoil films.
Figgins has received a ground swell of support from grassroot activists across the nation, many of whom have been seeking out tougher punishments for spoilers for decades. "Ever since Empire Strikes Back was spoiled for me in a Usenet post back in 1980, I knew that spoilers were a plague on our nation," said Fredrick Gottard, the founder of the activist group No Spoilers, No Justice. "I'm glad that someone is finally taking our no spoilers movement seriously." Gottard and others are organizing a march on Washington is support of the Defense of Movie Plot Act.
However, not everyone believes the law is a good thing. "The Defense of Movie Plots Act has several very disturbing legal precedents," said Thaddeus P. Puffinbottoms, law professor at the prestigious DeVry University. "If we ban movie spoilers, what's next? Spoiling live sporting events? Election results? Important live events? We might soon live in a society where no one shares anything on social media in fear that they might spoil something for someone."
Figgins doesn't believe that the law would be abused, though. "This is just a law designed to encourage common sense and decency with over the top fines and punishments," the congressman said.
As for the staffer who spoiled Guardians of the Galaxy for him, Figgins wouldn't comment as to whether he was fired or otherwise punished. "I sent him to inspect a parking deck currently being constructed on the outskirts of town. He hasn't returned yet. Maybe he got lost, or got into an accident or something."