Friday, October 19, 2018 • Midnight Edition • "ISIS approved!"

DC Comics Apologizes for Toledo Water Crisis; 3D Variant Covers on Track for September Release

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, August 04 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

DC Comics Apologizes for Toledo Water Crisis; 3D Variant Covers on Track for September Release

A lenticular chemical spill nearly wiped out a large portion of Ohio, but at least the 3D covers will be printed on time!

Source: New York Times

Hundreds of thousands of residents of Northwestern Ohio breathed a sigh of... no, that's not right... swallowed a gulp of relief on Monday as the city of Toledo lifted a ban on using the municipal drinking water that had left residents high and dry, or at least dry, all weekend. The ban was a precautionary measure implemented after a deadly toxin called microcystin was discovered in the drinking water supply, which comes mostly from nearby Lake Eerie. But how did a deadly toxin end up in a body of water that supplies eleven million coastal inhabitants? The answer is, as always: DC Comics.

"We deeply regret the trouble we've caused the residents of Ohio," apologized DC Co-Publisher Dan Didio at press conference from a corporate barge floating on the Great Lake. "It was never DC's intention to contaminate the drinking water supply."

According to Didio, the microcystin, a key component in the manufacture of lenticular comic book covers, spilled into the lake because of a mishap with a tanker ship transporting crude lenticular ink to a local refinery so that DC could print the 3D variant covers for their September Future's End super-mega-crossover event. After least year's September gimmick month tie-in to Forever Evil turned into a clusterfuck as limited supply of the materials and printer errors resulted in over a hundred thousand covers being destroyed and comic shops receiving allocations on their original orders, DC refused to take any chances on rehashing what industry analysts dubbed "The 3DNado." Chances of poisoning the people of Northern Ohio, however, were of little concern, because "it is Ohio, after all."

Lenticular ink washes up on the shore of Maumee Bay State Park in Oregon, Ohio on Monday.

"On the bright side, we expect that all comic shops will have plenty of copies of our 3D cover issues in September," gloated a beaming Didio. "So no need to worry. Unless you accidentally ingested some of the tainted water, in which case, you should probably go to the hospital immediately."

Didio offered another perspective on the situation: things could have been worse. "The good news is that we spilled the chemical components into the lake before they were made into lenticular covers," he explained, waving a 3D copy of Future's End: Justice League in the air. "The chemicals become a thousand times more deadly when combined, and if just one of these covers were to end up in the lake, the results would be disastro..."

Didio was interrupted as a gust of wind ripped the comic from his hands and blew it into the lake. Flop sweat immediately began to pour down the panicked executive's brow as he called the press conference to a hasty close.

"Uh, no more questions," Didio yelled as he ran full speed toward a waiting helicopter. "Be sure to pre-order Future's End 3D covers from your local comic shop, you know, if it still exists next week."

At press time, several giant, radioactive lizards were reportedly terrorizing coastal areas near Lake Eerie, though terrified residents universally remarked that the experience of fleeing for their lives in holographic 3D was well worth the $3.99 cover price. Stay tuned to The Outhouse for details on this developing situation.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!