A few weeks ago, we learned that Michael Bay knows his movies suck and doesn't care because you'll pay to see them anyway, and just a few days ago we heard a message from Megan Fox to people who trash The Bay-produced TMNT online (fuck off). With the movie finally in theaters later this week, Bay, Fox, and director Jonathan Liebesman are continuing their assault on critics, but this time, they've brought out the nuclear option: Megan Fox's acting.
That's right, in one of the most inhumane attacks in the history of modern warfare, the trinity of evil has released a one minute and twenty-seven second featurette focusing on Fox's role as April O'Neil in the movie. It's a clear violation of the Geneva Convention and a setback for human rights around the world.
Here's the video, but for the love of God, don't watch it! You've suffered enough:
*two hours later*
Wha? Huh? Where am I? Oh, hi readers. You're still here. We're still alive. I thought we were gonners for a minute there. I passed out from the pain.
Continuing the assault, we were also bombarded with a rap video based on the movie, as well as two videos of B-roll footage. That's right, this is footage that was so bad it DIDN'T make it into Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Can't... take... any... more...
TMNT is in theaters Friday. It may be best, at this point, to just give Bay and company what they want. Go pay your $27 for 3D Imax smell-o-vision tickets, grab a seat as far away from the screen as possible, close your eyes, and wait for it to be over.* Then maybe they'll leave us alone until it's time for the sequel.
* That's what she said.