Saturday, December 20, 2014 • Midnight Edition • "Exclusive! Exclusive! Hggulghhlgghhlghhlghh!"

No Hope Left for Humanity as Michael Bay's TMNT On Track for $65 Million Opening Weekend

Written by Jude Terror on Saturday, August 09 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

No Hope Left for Humanity as Michael Bay's TMNT On Track for  Million Opening Weekend

Despite being panned by critics and anyone with sense, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles looks like it will beat Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend.



Stick a fork in the human race. We're done.

The Michael Bay produced, Jonathan Liebesman directed, Megan Fox starring cinematic abomination, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, made $25 million dollars on Friday, putting it on track for a $65 million dollar opening, according to Variety. Its only real competition, Guardians of the Galaxy, is on track for $42 million.

We've warned readers this film would be bad.

We've passed along messages from Michael Bay and Megan Fox (two thirds of the above mentioned Axis of Evil) telling you that it will suck and they don't care and fuck you if you take issue with it.

The film has been critically reviled, scoring 20% on Rotten Tomatoes.

And yet, the movie will easily win the box office this weekend, and will be considered a success, resulting not only in possible sequels, but in Bay being given more beloved franchises to ruin.

Truly, these are the end times. When future civilizations are studying the downfall of the human race, they will trace it back to this moment, right here, when we gave up on our forward progress as a species and began a downward spiral into extinction.

Thanks a lot, Michael Bay. You are the fucking anti-christ of summer blockbusters.

TMNT is in theaters now. Go and see it, I guess. You've got nothing left to lose.






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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


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