I WARNED YOU!! I honestly did and try to prevent the oncoming storm! Megan Fox herself even warned you this was going to be bad and said fuck the haters because it would make money anyway. And now she's been proven right. I hope you all can sleep at night for that fact!
Even half-priced for me, paying three dollars wasn't worth it (okay maybe if more time was devoted to Shredatron). Well I hope you're happy. Box Office Mojo is reporting that TMNT WILL take in SIXTY-FIVE MILLION DOLLARS and NINETY-SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS GLOBALLY.
Why? Were there riff parties involved? Are you truly masochistic as me? Did you pay for the wrong movie by accident? Did your children's sad puppy eyes win out? Or did you really think this was going to be different than Bay's other abominations?
Why? Why did you do this? Thanks to indiscriminate moviegoers, Paramount Pictures announced this morning that a SEQUEL is in the works for release on June 3, 2016 (which just adds to the absurd glut of geek movies coming out that year), and the dread lord of 80s nostalgia Michael Bay WILL BE BACK as producer. The screenwriters, Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec, will also return.
You know this means don't you? That Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice AND this sequel will be out in the same year. THE SAME YEAR. With the former even being on the birthday weekend of this reporter. Who gives this sort of birthday gift to a lovable reporter like myself? 2016 is going to break me mentally (if seeing this movie just once hasn't already). There's already an OH! pool being collected to send me to this movie on my Facebook.
I'm gonna need a big flask to survive this, and I'm eternally grateful again to Menahem Golan for making movies to prepare me for my greatest challenge ever. That, or 2016 is going to end me. Just thinking about it has already taken years off my life I need another drink, or a bigger flask. Something. Anything!