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Outhouse Reporter Doing Best Not To Scream Like A Freaking Fanboy Over Latest Star Wars Casting Rumor

Written by GHERU on Monday, August 11 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Outhouse Reporter Doing Best Not To Scream Like A Freaking Fanboy Over Latest Star Wars Casting Rumor

Deep breaths
Deep breaths
It’s only a movie….

Source: Wrestler Sheamus Vader: WWE Star To Play Darth Vader In ‘Star Wars 7′

Although only one site this reporter has access to at work is reporting this story as if it were confirmed, The Outhouse is prepared to report (as a rumor) that WWE Superstar (don’t call them wrestlers) Sheamus will be playing Darth Vader in at least three new Star Wars films, the first of which is set for release December 18, 2015.

This news…

RU’s Inner Fanboy: Wait a sec, why do we even need a new Vader? He died!

RU: Shut up, now is not the time.

RU’s Inner Fanboy: But…but

RU: Shut it!

As to what the bloody hell why Darth Vader is being cast at all considering he died at the end of Return of the Jedi (if that is a spoiler get off this site…no, leave now!) the best answer anyone can come up with is “because Hollywood.”

RU’s Inner Fanboy: Bunch of fucking fucknuts who don’t know shit about shit. We don’t want or need more Vader! Whiny bitch had six moves!

RU: Please, this is hard enough without you jumping in.

RU’s Inner Fanboy: Worst part is, even if this is a rumor and it turns out to not be true, how low are our expectations that we are willing to except this as a possibility? I just got over the loss of the Star Wars Extended Universe (best keep Thrawn), and now Star Wars 7 can’t even keep its own continuity.

RU: Maybe it’s all flashbacks? Maybe they won’t resurrect or retcon Vader.

RU’s Inner Fanboy: And maybe Kosher pigs will fly out of my ass.

RU: I’m not talking to you anymore.

Honestly, the only good thing to come out of this rumor is the realization that for three movies Seamus won’t be wrestling on my TV…come to think about it, that’s the best news regarding Guardians of the Galaxy’s success as well; no Batista!

Here’s hoping that James Earl Jones does all the talking, because the only thing worse than Sheamus playing Darth Vader would be listening to Sheamus play Darth Vader.

RU’s Inner Fanboy: Redrum! Redrum!


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About the Author - GHERU

RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).


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