Although only one site this reporter has access to at work is reporting this story as if it were confirmed, The Outhouse is prepared to report (as a rumor) that WWE Superstar (don’t call them wrestlers) Sheamus will be playing Darth Vader in at least three new Star Wars films, the first of which is set for release December 18, 2015.
RU’s Inner Fanboy: Wait a sec, why do we even need a new Vader? He died!
RU: Shut up, now is not the time.
RU’s Inner Fanboy: But…but
RU: Shut it!
what the bloody hell why Darth Vader is being cast at all considering he died at the end of Return of the Jedi (if that is a spoiler get off this site…no, leave now!) the best answer anyone can come up with is “because Hollywood.”
RU’s Inner Fanboy: Bunch of fucking fucknuts who don’t know shit about shit. We don’t want or need more Vader! Whiny bitch had six moves!
RU: Please, this is hard enough without you jumping in.
RU’s Inner Fanboy: Worst part is, even if this is a rumor and it turns out to not be true, how low are our expectations that we are willing to except this as a possibility? I just got over the loss of the Star Wars Extended Universe (best keep Thrawn), and now Star Wars 7 can’t even keep its own continuity.
RU: Maybe it’s all flashbacks? Maybe they won’t resurrect or retcon Vader.
RU’s Inner Fanboy: And maybe Kosher pigs will fly out of my ass.
RU: I’m not talking to you anymore.
Honestly, the only good thing to come out of this rumor is the realization that for three movies Seamus won’t be wrestling on my TV…come to think about it, that’s the best news regarding Guardians of the Galaxy’s success as well; no Batista!
Here’s hoping that James Earl Jones does all the talking, because the only thing worse than Sheamus playing Darth Vader would be listening to Sheamus play Darth Vader.
RU’s Inner Fanboy: Redrum! Redrum!