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Irrational Fanboy Reacts To Hulk #5’s Change To Variant Cover

Written by GHERU on Tuesday, August 12 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Irrational Fanboy Reacts To Hulk #5’s Change To Variant Cover

We are really scraping the bottom of the barrel now.

Source: Did You Notice Marvel Changed the Variant Cover to HULK #5?

Nerwsarama’s crack “news” team spent well over five minutes researching today’s petty little bitch fest regarding a change made on this weeks’ Hulk #5 Gary Frank variant cover. From ‘Rama:

Just days before the release of Hulk #5, Marvel has changed the solicited cover by changing out a character – or at least a head. The original variant solicited cover for Hulk #5 by Gary Frank has been changed from depicting Iron Man’s head in Hulk’s grasps to now featuring Ultron’s head in the green goliath’s grasp.

Now, I know that at first this seems to fall in line with Marvel’s “write by numbers” mentality that allows main characters to be switched out with no real consequences because, really, who cares about characterization when you’re charging five dollars for a comic. But then we read the reason, again from Marvel’s second choice:

According to series editor Mark Paniccia, it’s due to changes in incoming writer Gerry Duggan’s plans from when the cover was first released and the final script to this Wednesday’s issue.

 “Because Gerry’s story was coming out right after the Original Sin: Hulk Vs. Iron Man, there were plans to have Iron Man play a role in the arc,” Paniccia tells Newsarama. “But that changed and since we had a scene involving a deactivated Ultron in the book, it was an easy fix to make the object in Hulk’s hand relevant to the interior.”

That actually seems pretty reasonable…even somewhat commendable to actively try to have a cover reflect the content. But, that’s not the kind of thing we want to read. No one wants reasonable anymore, we need outrage that looks good next to a hashtag. For that, The Outhouse would like to welcome back from his court mandated commitment to a psychiatric ward; Irrational Fanboy!

Irrational Fanboy: Thanks, happy to be back.

RU: How are you feeling:

IF: Great! I have a whole new outlook on life. I’m positive and, trying to become, better with change. It’s a long road, but I’m confident that I’m on the right track.

RU: Read any comic book news since you got out?

IF: Not yet, they just let me out an hour ago. I went and got some Skyline Chili then came to see you. Why? Its not like things can be any worse than they were 18 months ago.

RU: …. Um….how about you go catchup with CBR and Newsarama for a second. I’ll wait.

[30 minutes later]

IF: but….wha...FIVE DOLLARS! Girl Thor! Did Harley just blow those guys? What….happy place happy place…

RU: IF….IF….you there?

IF: Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Weaselteats.
    This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy!
    That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

    Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
    Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
    Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
    Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

    I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to
    be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and
    girls, let's try it again!


    If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of
    nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a
    fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't
    believe me! Why didn't you believe me?!

    [chorus without last line]
    Happy Happy Happy Happy
    Happy Happy Happy Happy
    Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

    * Stinky's last name is up for debate. It is pronounced closer
    to "whizzleteats". The authority for "Weaselteats" is an article
    that appeared in "Metro" magazine, a weekly for-free newspaper
    that appears at various places in Santa Clara County. The HHJJ
    song was described by the author of the article as, "Sing 'Happy
    Happy Joy Joy'. Repeat until death sets you free."


IF: happy place…

Well, that back fired. Shit.




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About the Author - GHERU

RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).


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