In a poorly timed press conference this morning, DC Comics revealed that the variant cover gimmick theme for the month of December will be "Dick Pics." DC Comics Co-Publisher Dan Didio stood proudly behind a podium in front of DC's Burbank offices to announce the theme.
"I know that everyone has been really excited by our monthly variant cover themes, such as Bombshells, Selfies, and 3DNado," Didio boasted. "Well, prepare to have your minds blown in December as DC Comics brings you Dick Pic Variants!"
Didio paused as the crowd grew quiet. Unphased, he continued. "For some reason, a lot of people have been talking about Dick pics online. We love Dick pics and want to pay our creators to send them to us."
As the crowd began to murmur, Didio appeared confused.
"What, you don't like Dick pics?" the befuddled executive asked, eliciting a shocked gasp from the crowd of assembled press and fans. One of the reporters responded, noting that the comic book industry is currently dealing with a scandal involving JL8 creator Yale Stewart, who admitted to sending explicit photographs in a statement yesterday morning, apologizing for his behavior. The reporter pointed out that various Comic Alliance bloggers have been cryptically tweeting about it for days, causing the scandal to become increasingly more engorged until it was ready to explode, and the attention had finally forced a direct response from Stewart this morning.
"...Who sent pictures of their genitals?" asked the shocked Didio. "Wait... what does this guy do? Kid versions of the Justice Lea--. Fuck. Mary, get legal on the line! We've got one hell of a copyright violation on our hands!"
Incredulous, another reported asked how Didio could possibly be unaware of the scandal, and even if true, why he would still think Dick pics was a viable variant cover theme for DC's comic books.
"Oh jeeze, you thought... Oh, wow," Didio sighed. "I'm not talking about pictures of penises. These are pictures of Dicks. You know, like a Dick Grayson pinup. Drawings paying tribute to the legendary Dick Giordano. Detective Chimp. That sort of thing."
"Oh god," he continued. "Man, this is embarrassing."
In the wake of the snafu, Didio announced that the company would reconsider the December variant plans and look for another way to artificially boost sales that month. The Outhouse will let you know when they make their final decision.