This morning, well known Doctor Who gossip site Bleeding Cool reported on a rumor claiming that Marvel is planning to announce a Young Jean Grey solo comic in the coming months, with "The Great One" Brian Bendis acting as creative consultant and one of the Logan Legacy creative teams working on the book. Following up on that report, The Outhouse has learned from our own sources that Marvel's offices have been covered with Post-It notes reminding the company not to sexualize Grey with a butt-presenting porno cover drawn by famed Italian erotic artist Milo Manara. This new preventative strategy come in the wake of a controversy kicked off by Manara's variant cover to Spider-Woman #1, which embarrassed the company on a global scale last week.
Manara's ill-advised Spider-Woman cover, drawn, according to Manara, as God made her
"We won't treat our female characters like masturbation material. We won't treat our female characters like masturbation material. We won't treat our female characters like masturbation material." muttered Marvel Editor in Chief Axel Alonso to himself, over and over, reportedly. "We won't treat our female characters like..."
Alonso was suddenly interrupted by an intern who asked him for some ideas for the December issue of Captain Marvel. "Let's have Frank Cho draw Carol naked," Alonso suggested thoughtfully. "We'll call it All-Nude Marvel NOW!! We'll make sure the logo covers up her nipples, and maybe she can be bent over and..."
Alonso slapped himself in the face. "No! Bad Axel! We will not treat our female characters like masturbation material! We will NOT treat our female characters like masturbation material! Scratch that All-Nude Marvel NOW! idea! Let's just do Legos again!"
According to reports, the mantra seems to be working. Marvel hasn't gratuitously sexualized a female character in days, and, just yesterday, Alonso nixed the plans of superstar writer Rick Remender to introduce a new Uncanny Avengers character named Tits McGee. "Her mutant power was going to be tits," Remender explained about the discarded concept, adding, "It was going to be very respectful."
At press time, several Marvel executives were reportedly examining a white board with a cover mockup for Jean Grey: Barely Legal #1.NOW featuring Grey in her underwear with her hair in pigtails and making an anatomically improbable pose to show both her breasts and butt to the reader. The execs were frowning very seriously and one was scratching his head, as if to say, "I'm sure I'm forgetting about something." Our sources are confident they'll figure it out before going to press. We'll keep you updated.
Jean Grey by Greg Land in the style of Whatever Porn Site Screenshot He Traced