Recently, Archie Comics has found itself or its employees involved in quite a few quite a few lawsuits. Back in 2013, there was a lawsuit settled with the guy who created the character Knuckles for Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog books, which was later used in the video games. Last December, two male executives sued female Archie co-CEO Nancy Silberkleit (gezundheit!) for harassment, a continuation of a legal battle from 2012 that saw Silberkleit (gezundheit!) banned from the Archie offices after being sued by and counter-suing her fellow co-CEO John Goldwater before a special liason was hired to act as a go-between for Silberkleit (gezundheit!) and the rest of Archie so they could continue to work together.
Oh, and Silberkleit (gezundheit!) then sued that special liason. Seriously. The whole affair has been going on for years, possibly generations, part of a long-standing family feud that goes back to when the Goldwater and Silberkleit (gezundheit!) families founded Archie Comics with a third partner, Maurice Coyne, who they teamed up against to force out. It's all pretty ridiculous and convoluted, but Rich Johnston did an admirable job of trying to sum the history up back in 2012.
Yesterday, Bleeding Cool, who could probably create an entire spinoff site just to cover Archie lawsuits, reported that three female ex-employees of Archie are now suing the company for harassment and discrimination, claiming that they were the target of retaliation for working with Silberkleit (gezundheit!). They allege that the male executives who sued Silberkleit (gezundheit!) for sexual harassment were constantly making sexist and derogatory comments about her, and that the employees were forced to act as go-betweens for the executives and Silberkleit (gezundheit!) before later being unjustly terminated.This appears to have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, because this morning, every single employee of Archie Comics simultaneously announced that they were filing lawsuits against every single other employee.
"I'm suing you, I'm suiing you, I'm suing you, you're cool, I'm suing you," said one visibly irritated accountant as he charged down a hallway in the marketing department, tossing legal papers into each office as he passed by. "You can't sue me! I'm suing you," several employees were heard to shout back. It took six neighboring legal departments just to handle the individual lawsuits filed by members of Archie's own legal department against each other. All told, over 17,000 lawsuits were filed by various Archie comics employees against other Archie comics employees by 10AM this morning.
"I just got here last year," said Archie editor Alex Segura as he served legal documents to an intern he's suing for five million dollars after the intern brought him a latte with soy milk instead of almond as he'd clearly requested. "But when in Rome..."
Segura was unable to finish his saying as a lawyer advised him not to speak the press since Segura himself was the subject of more than forty lawsuits. The Outhouse was served with three lawsuits on our way out of the building after our interview. It is unknown whether the constant legal action will disrupt Archie's growing momentum with books like Afterlife With Archie, or whether it will affect the company's ability to publish comics about the lighthearted adventures of Riverdale's perrenial teenagers, but at press time, sources informed The Outhouse that the company was considering filing a class action lawsuit against itself for creating a hostile work environment with all of the lawsuits.
Stay tuned to the Outhouse. We'll keep you posted if... wait, what's that? Hang on, our lawyer is advising us not to say anything else as we're being sued by Archie for this article. We would like to inform you, however, that we are countersuing you for reading it. Consider yourself served.