Monday, December 22, 2014 • Afternoon Edition • "Bring your own straight jacket."

RUMOR: Jeremy Renner to be Replaced by More Handsome Actor as Hawkeye in Avengers: Age of Ultron

Written by ThanosCopter on Wednesday, August 27 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

RUMOR: Jeremy Renner to be Replaced by More Handsome Actor as Hawkeye in Avengers: Age of Ultron

Or at least, that's what this totally taken out of context picture leads us to believe.


Source: Photo taken from Empire, everything else blatantly made up

In hot rumors that we just made up a second ago, we have reason to believe that Jeremy Renner is being shown the door in Avengers: Age of Ultron.  If the below photograph is any indication, Joss Whedon has decided that he's better fit to play Hawkeye then Renner.  

As you can see, Whedon seems to be fed up with Renner's poor cleaning habits,  as evidenced by the plethora of trash on the ground, and is shooting an imaginary "You're Fired" arrow at the actor to help illustrate the point that he's no longer welcome on set.  Whedon's hired muscle, an Eastern European thug name Vladmir, stands in the background, presumably ready to drag Renner away after Whedon is done emasculating and humiliating him. 

The writing was on the wall for Renner when Hawkeye's costume was redesigned for the second movie.  While Whedon would have trouble fitting into Hawkeye's original costume, the costume was redesigned to better hide Whedon's thicker frame and lack of bulging arm muscles.  This will be Whedon's first major acting role, and it's believed that he's eager to get to all the kissing scenes he's just written between him and Scarlett Johansson. 

No word on how many idiots will take this CLEARLY FARCICAL ARTICLE seriously, but we're guessing it will be more than a few.  





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About the Author - ThanosCopter


ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
 

 


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