Fans of Marvel's most beloved filicidal mutant Wolverine were relieved on Tuesday to learn that the character's upcoming temporary hiatus from comics, known as a "death," will be delayed until at least mid-October. The four-issue Death of Wolverine series was originally supposed to ship weekly in September, but the final two issues have been pushed back to October 1st and October 14th, respectively, presumably because series artist Steve McNiven, despite many months of lead time, is unable to focus on work long enough to complete just four issues on time.
Or maybe there's another reason.
Could it be that Marvel is having second thoughts about offing their most prolific character, and the moral center of their fictional universe? We invited Marvel's Vice President of Publishing and Press Subjugation, The Brevo'oort, to stop by The Outhouse and discuss it.
Marvel executive and hostile interdimensional being, The Brevo'oort, brandishing a bacon-wrapped turkey leg, his weapon of choice.
Jude Terror: Hello Brevo'oort. Thanks for joining us.
The Brevo'oort: THE PLEASURE IS ALL YOURS, HUMAN SCUM! *SNORT*
JT: Yes. Well, what's going on here? DC hasn't has a single allocation of their 3D covers this month, but you've failed to publish 50% of your big gimmick books on time.
TB: When Wolverine is an exclusive Marvel character, we'll publish his books on time.
JT: What? He is an exclusive Marvel character. You own him.
TB: You can't own human beings! Believe me, I've looked into it.
JT: Wolverine isn't a human being. He's a fictional character.
TB: Now you're racist against mutants? The press gets more biased every day!
JT: Let's start over. Why does Death of Wolverine keep getting pushed back? Are you afraid to kill him off?
TB: What?! No! We are totally going to kill Wolverine off!
TB: Okay, maybe we didn't think things through.
JT: Uh huh.
TB: I mean, killing Wolverine sounded like a great idea when we're talking about it as something that's going to happen vaguely sometime in the future and result in multiple weapon etched holofoil variant covers.
JT: In the abstract.
TB: Right. Killing Wolverine in the abstract is a great idea. Killing him for real presents all sorts of problems.
TB: Well, for one thing, he appears in fifteen monthly titles. We've had to hire two extra writers just to come up with new dialog where we can't just through a bunch of incoherent growling and "bub" in there.
JT: That does sound like trouble.
TB: Also, Jason Aaron locked himself in his room with the shades drawn and has been moping since the first issue shipped. He won't come out, and we think he's listened to the entire Smiths discography over a hundred times. We need him to produce! Where are we gonna find another bearded white man to wrtie a book about She-Thor?!
JT: I thought she was just "Thor." And you could always get a woman to...
TB (reaching for Jude with his tentacles): HISSSSSSSSSS!
JT (backing away): Sorry! Sorry!
TB: The point is, we've decided to push Wolverine's death back. What do you think of making the Death of Wolverine an ongoing?
JT: That seems like a terrible idea, for several obvious reasons.
TB: I'm not seeing them.
JT: It's a book about a character dying. By definition, that can't go on forever. Also, McNiven couldn't draw four issues in a year. How would he handle a monthly schedule?
TB: Good point. So maybe we'll just keep pushing the release of the final issue back.
JT: Won't that affect your other books? You were going to do that whole Logan's Legacy thing.
TB: That'll just be a bunch of characters talking about how great Wolverine is and how much they miss him when he's not around, and possibly want to have sex with him. It wouldn't be out of place at all for them to do that while he's still alive.
JT: That's unfortunately true.
TB: And to be honest, we weren't planning on scaling back his appearances anyway. We figured most of our books would take place in the past, before Death of Wolverine #4, until we bring him back.
JT: Then what the fuck was the point of all this in the first place?
So there you have it, folks. No Death of Wolverine #4 until at least the middle of October. Maybe never. But hey, on the bright side, if it never comes out, neither does this godawful Greg Land variant.