Not only did DC see a huge market share boost from September's 3D covers, but Death of Wolverine topped the charts as well.

Have you ever complained about the endless cycle of universe-shattering event comics, meaningless character deaths, pointless series renumbering, and elaborate variant cover gimmicks? Did you buy a single comic published by DC in September, or an issue of Death of Wolverine? If you answered "yes" to both those questions, you are your own worst enemy, and an idiot.

The sales numbers are in for September, and, as expected, DC scored a strong sales victory thanks to its month-long #1 issue 3D cover bonanza. To make matters worse, the only chance Marvel had of fighting back was The Death of Wolverine, which topped the charts, but only saw two of it's expected four issues published because for some reason Steve McNiven can't draw four issues of a comic without delays. In any case, the market has proven, once again, that gimmicks and stunts are what makes money in this industry, which will, in turn, lead to companies relying even more on gimmicks and stunts.

So thanks, you dumbasses. I hope that weapon etched holofoil cover was worth it.

DC was so pleased with its victory it sent out a press release, announcing it had sold 3.5 million comics. 3.5 million. Let's have a look:

BURBANK, Calif. (October 3, 2014) – The future has arrived.

And it is dystopian!

DC Entertainment topped the comic book sales charts for the month with a jaw-dropping figure of nearly 3.5 million comic books sold, making the company the No. 1 comic book publisher in dollars and units for September, according to Diamond Comic Distributors, the largest comic book distributor in the world. This is the fourth year in a row DC has been the industry’s top publisher in September.

That's the most positive way of phrasing "we lose 11 out of 12 months of the year" I've ever heard of.

The sales were propelled in large part by the record-breaking success of DC Comics’ month-long “FUTURES END” event in which DC Comics–The New 52 flashed forward five years. Each Futures End book featured a standard 2-D cover and an innovative “3-D Motion” cover that showcased both the current and future state of the character or team, becoming instant collectors’ items. Taking the #3 slot was BATMAN: FUTURES END #1 followed by HARLEY QUINN: FUTURES END #1 taking #4.

The #1 book, according to Diamond is BATMAN: DEATH OF THE FAMILY Book & Joker Mask Set– this seminal Batman trade paperback graphic novel is paired with a replica hand-painted vinyl latex mask of Batman’s greatest foe.

Is hologram technology that's been around since at least the 1980s really "innovative?" I think my G.I. Joe B.A.T. Battle Android Trooper figure had that same lenticular technology on its chest. Will we see comic covers that change colors in the sunlight like the Zartan figure next?

“Our publishing business continues to be a top priority for DC Entertainment and I couldn’t be more proud of our team’s success this September,” said Diane Nelson, DC Entertainment President. “The excitement behind so many of our titles, including Batgirl, Gotham Academy, Arkham Manor and Catwoman, as well as the upcoming launch of our next weekly series, Earth 2: World’s End, demonstrates the strength of this business when we focus on great storytelling. With the upcoming start of the pivotal new storyline in Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s Batman and the innovative “Scent-Ticular” Harley Quinn Annual, 2014 looks to be a record-setting year for the entire DC Entertainment business.”

And yet, focusing on great storytelling doesn't bring in the dollars, does it? Look at this, people! DC WANTS to focus on storytelling. But will you fuckheads buy as many regular copies of Gotham Academy and Batgirl as you would if they had innovative 3D motion covers? Nope. So how long before every month is 3D month? Ugh.

They go on to talk about other stuff they've got in the pipeline, and some of it sounds good. I like when companies try new things in terms of the types of books they put out and the types of stories they tell. And from what I see on blogs, in comments, and on message boards and social media, that's what everyone claims to like. I don't know of anyone who says "what I like most about comics are the fucking 3D covers and constant crossover events." And yet, overwhelmingly, it's what you people buy.

Why?

Seriously. Did you buy a 3DNado 2 issue? Did you buy Death of Wolverine? If so, please explain your motivation in the comments. Also, please explain how you sleep at night with the blood of the industry on your hands. Thanks.

Here's the charts, from Diamond:

TOP COMIC BOOK PUBLISHERS

NEW TITLES SHIPPED

COMPARATIVE SALES STATISTICS

TOP 10 COMIC BOOKS

TOP 10 GRAPHIC NOVELS & TRADE PAPERBACKS

TOP 10 BOOKS

TOP 10 TOYS

TOP 10 GAMES