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Free Speech Alert: Top Ten Unlikely Winners Of (totally made up) Offensive Awards

Written by GHERU on Wednesday, October 08 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Free Speech Alert: Top Ten Unlikely Winners Of (totally made up) Offensive Awards

Stop trying to take away my freedom of speech by telling me this isn't a freedom of speech issue!

Source: RU's Imagination

Ok, enough is enough. For months, nay, years now the Social Justice Warriors (SJWs) that run this site have kept me down. Just because the site is privately run and the owners have final say in what we publish doesn’t give them the right to tell me what I can publish on their site.

Jude: Wait, what?

RU: SHUT UP! Stop oppressing me!

As I was saying, it’s time for those uppity SJWs and their ilk to get over themselves. In yet another example of SJWs censoring a private organization by expressing their opinions, the people behind the World Fantasy Award are under fire just because the trophy they give to winners happens to be a bust of H.P. Lovecraft. Of course, no one cared about this until a few years ago when writer Nnedi Okorafor (Who Fears Death, 2011), a Nigerian-American, won the prestigious award and pitched a fit just because the award happened to have the likeness a racist.

Now, I ask you, is that reasonable? Just because Lovecraft once wrote a poem called On the Creation of N*ggers (1912) doesn’t mean that someone of African descent should care that they were just handed the bust of a man who wrote:

When, long ago, the gods created Earth
In Jove’s fair image Man was shaped at birth.
The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
Yet were they too remote from humankind.
To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
Th’Olympian host conceiv’d a clever plan.
A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
Filled it with vice, and called the thing a N*gger.

Seriously, all Lovecraft said of Nnedi Okorafor and people of similar ancestry is that they are “semi-human” and she has the nerve to suggest that maybe his head shouldn’t be the prize given to the winner the World Fantasy Award. You don’t see Chinese people getting upset because he said “…a bastard mess of stewing Mongrel flesh without intellect, repellent to the eye, nose and imagination,” of the residents of Chinatown.

I’m not arguing that Lovecraft was a total racist; he was. But the World Fantasy Award is based only on fantasy writing and should be viewed, respected, and honored in a vacuum. There is no reason to bring up that the bust given to the winners is in the image after a man who once wrote “Race prejudice is a gift of nature, intended to preserve in purity the various divisions of mankind which the ages have evolved.” That’s just absurd.

To that end, here are the Top Ten (totally made up) Awards That Should Exist and their winners who need to shut up and take it (Google is your friend):

10 - Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) Award for Excellence in Acting – Winner: Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit, 2010)

9 – The Sean Penn Humanitarian of the Year Award – Winner: Rihanna

8 – Andrew Jackson Scholarship for Advances Made In Military Marching – Winner: Standhope Uwatie, Degataga of the Cherokee.

7 – Family of The Year bust of Pat Robertson – Winner: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

6 - Marion Zimmer Bradley Prize For Women In Leardership – Winner: Christina Ricci national spokesperson for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network

5 – Osama Bin Laden Grant For The Advancement Of Cave Dwelling - Winner: Rudy Giuliani

4 - Dennis Kucinich / Michelle Bachman Award for the Advancement of Logical Thought – Winner: anyone

3 – Michael Jackson Prize for Musical Excellence– Winner: KMFDM (nothing special here, I just hate techno)

2 – The Rev. Al Sharpton "Social Justice" Award – Winner: Steven Pagones

1 - Adolf Hitler Award for Efficient Government – Winner: RU; a Jew who works in government

To all the imaginary winners, we here at The Outhouse want to send you our sincerest congratulations and ask that you kindly keep you opinions to yourselves since whatever you think about the award isn’t all that important to anyone.


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About the Author - GHERU

RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).


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