Tuesday, January 22, 2019 • Afternoon Edition • "For when you've got nowhere else to go."

Marvel Now Teasing "Years of Future Past" as Blockbuster Event Machine Spins Out of Control!

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, October 15 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Marvel Now Teasing

The never-ending event cycle will lead to the end of the world as we know it! (and we feel fine)

Source: Albert Ching's Bunghole

Another day, another teaser for a super-mega-crossover event from Marvel Comics. No, this isn't a parody. No, we're not joking. Marvel has really announced, at current count, four super-mega-crossover events for the summer of 2015, all of them remakes of previous events. Previously, we've seen Secret Wars, Civil War, and Age of Ultron vs Marvel Zombies. Now, they've released a teaser for "Years of Future Past," an obvious take on the classic X-Men story, Days of Future Past.

What does it all mean?!

"I believe that when Marvel announced that they were going to redo Secret Wars in 2015, they broke the fabric of time and space," explained Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, who heads up the Comic Book Astrophysics Department at the prestigious DeVry University, and who proposes that Marvel or DC have broken the fabric of space and time at least bi-monthly. "They've opened up the floodgates, and now the world is doomed."

"It's a little known fact that, deep in the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement of Marvel's corporate offices, the publisher keeps a nuclear-powered doomsday device whose sole purpose is to create a neverending cycle of super-mega-crossover events," Puffinbottoms continued. "But since the device was first put into use during Marvel's House of M event in 2005, it's been creating super-mega-crossover events at an increasingly rapid pace."

Now, the machine is creating new events every day. Not only that, but they're all rehashes of previous events. Not just in spirit, as all events are, but in name as well. After learning about Secret Wars last weekend, we've seen teasers for Civil War, Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies, and now Days of Future Past. And they're all scheduled for "Summer 2015. What will be next?"

"Hold on a second," Puffinbottoms interrupted as he pulled out a large, dusty text titled "Ancient Mayan Farmer's Almanac" and began flipping through the pages excitedly. "Yes. Yes. Oh, of course!"

We waited patiently for his explanation.

"It's the end of the world," Puffinbottoms told us matter-of-factly.


"The End of the World: A Marvel Comics Event in Twelve Parts," he went on, eyes rolling back in his head as he began talking in a demonic voice. We got out of there before we were consumed by his fiery gaze ,and also before we got that stupid REM song stuck in our... dammit!

Here's the latest teaser for Years of Future Past:


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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