Tuesday, May 11, 2021 • R.I.P. Edition • We put the lotion in the basket.

Marvel Now Teasing "Years of Future Past" as Blockbuster Event Machine Spins Out of Control!

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, October 15 2014 and posted in News with Benefits

Marvel Now Teasing

The never-ending event cycle will lead to the end of the world as we know it! (and we feel fine)

Source: Albert Ching's Bunghole

Another day, another teaser for a super-mega-crossover event from Marvel Comics. No, this isn't a parody. No, we're not joking. Marvel has really announced, at current count, four super-mega-crossover events for the summer of 2015, all of them remakes of previous events. Previously, we've seen Secret Wars, Civil War, and Age of Ultron vs Marvel Zombies. Now, they've released a teaser for "Years of Future Past," an obvious take on the classic X-Men story, Days of Future Past.

What does it all mean?!

"I believe that when Marvel announced that they were going to redo Secret Wars in 2015, they broke the fabric of time and space," explained Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, who heads up the Comic Book Astrophysics Department at the prestigious DeVry University, and who proposes that Marvel or DC have broken the fabric of space and time at least bi-monthly. "They've opened up the floodgates, and now the world is doomed."

"It's a little known fact that, deep in the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-basement of Marvel's corporate offices, the publisher keeps a nuclear-powered doomsday device whose sole purpose is to create a neverending cycle of super-mega-crossover events," Puffinbottoms continued. "But since the device was first put into use during Marvel's House of M event in 2005, it's been creating super-mega-crossover events at an increasingly rapid pace."

Now, the machine is creating new events every day. Not only that, but they're all rehashes of previous events. Not just in spirit, as all events are, but in name as well. After learning about Secret Wars last weekend, we've seen teasers for Civil War, Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies, and now Days of Future Past. And they're all scheduled for "Summer 2015. What will be next?"

"Hold on a second," Puffinbottoms interrupted as he pulled out a large, dusty text titled "Ancient Mayan Farmer's Almanac" and began flipping through the pages excitedly. "Yes. Yes. Oh, of course!"

We waited patiently for his explanation.

"It's the end of the world," Puffinbottoms told us matter-of-factly.


"The End of the World: A Marvel Comics Event in Twelve Parts," he went on, eyes rolling back in his head as he began talking in a demonic voice. We got out of there before we were consumed by his fiery gaze ,and also before we got that stupid REM song stuck in our... dammit!

Here's the latest teaser for Years of Future Past:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author of said content. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!