In a second devastating cyber attack on Western businesses, foreign computer hackers defaced popular comic book tabloid Bleeding Cool's website this week. Though details are still surfacing, officials at Scotland Yard believe the North Korean government is responsible for the attacks, which replaced the site's html and css template files with ones designed to give readers headaches, believing they've accidentally accessed the mobile version of the site and set the zoom on their browsers to 600%. Though no list of demands has been produced yet, sources tell The Outhouse that the hackers may have initiated the assault in response to Bleeding Cool spoiling the return of a major character in this week's issue of Wonder Woman, a favorite book of wily North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, right in the headline.
"I think Meredith and David Finch are doing the best job they can," Kim Jong-Un was heard to tell close advisors shortly after the attack. "Sure, David Finch draws Diana like a high school stripper, and I didn't really care for their outlook on feminism, but they don't deserve to have their story undercut by Rich Johnston's incessant rumor-mongering."
"This, I command!" he added.
This isn't the first time the volatile dictator has caused an international incident in response to Western entertainment. In December of 2012, the country attempted to fire a long range rocket at a Diamond Comics Distributors warehouse to block the release of Avengers Arena, a comic book by Dennis Hopeless and Kev Walker that threatened to kill of some of Kim Jong-Un's favorite teen Marvel characters, such as Juston Seyfert, Hazmat, Mettle, X-23, and Chase from the Runaways. In April of the next year, he telephoned the Marvel Comics offices on multiple occasions demanding to know the location of the fictional island nation of Genosha so he could contact The Genegineer, a character from Marvel's 1990 X-Men super-mega-crossover event, X-Tinction Agenda. And of course, earlier this week, Sony Pictures was intimidated into canceling the release of The Interview after hackers revealed the corporation's executive's off-color email jokes about President Obama, which weren't even good jokes about President Obama.
In a public cry for help on their message board this week, Bleeding Cool resident Joe Kalicki called the effects of the cyber attack on the forums "total garbage," while Matt Krotzer pleaded with the attackers and the global community to help make sense of the devastation:
OMG... kill it with fire. This is SO overwrought. Why are you doing this to us? Nobody asked for this. We just wanted our profiles to work.
Everything is so much more spread out, now and cordoned off. Hideous.
Please... PLEASE put it back.
Though North Korea has not publicly taken responsibility for the attacks, officials issued a statement Friday morning calling the forced redesign "a brave, heroic gesture," and commenting that "it looks like it must be designed for a phone, but it also looks bad on a phone... brilliant!" The Outhouse, which has been the victim of many horrendous web design attacks itself in the past, sends its support to Bleeding Cool in this difficult time of recovery and, hopefully, extensive reconstructive work by a team of highly skilled experts.
If there's anything we can do to help, let us know.
Readers, we'll keep you updated, but please remember that Bleeding Cool needs your support right now. Sure, it might hurt your eyes, and prolonged exposure could result in chronic migraines or even death, but we can't let the terrorists win on this one. Go and check out Bleeding Cool today (steel yourself first - it's not pretty), and maybe click on their unnecessarily engorged right sidebar a couple of times to show them you still care. Now is the time to take a stand for our friends and allies at Bleeding Cool.
In the words of Winston Churchill, "maybe adding a splash of color in there would help."