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Hellbreak or: How I Learned to Stop Reading Crap and Love Cullen Bunn (et al.)

Written by GHERU on Monday, January 12 2015 and posted in News with Benefits

Hellbreak or: How I Learned to Stop Reading Crap and Love Cullen Bunn (et al.)

Since you won't read the article here are the main facts:

HELLBREAK #1
Writer: Cullen Bunn
Artist: Brian Churilla
Colorist: The Dave Stewart of colorists, Dave Stewart!

On Sale Date of $1 on 3/11/15


Source: Press Release

After asking for, and receiving, an extension, Cullen Bunn (The Sixth Gun, Terrible Lizard, and other comics you should be reading) has finally finished his dissertation, Hellbreak: An Insider’s Guide To Not Reading Bad Comics. Bunn was originally supposed to defend his dissertation in November of 2014 but was forced to re-solicit the material due to “an excess of shitty books on the market” or some other such reasoning. But now, finally, The University of Oni Press’s (UOP) golden child is prepared to defend his controversial system of weaning people off of the addictive, yet sub par quality, of most modern comic books.

“We here at, The University of Oni Press have been looking forward to Cullen Bunn defending his dissertation ever since his successful thesis, The Sixth Gun, forced even the most hardened of tenured professors to admit that it was possible to write a magical western comic book that was a ‘must read’,” stated UOP’s co-founder, Joe Nozemack, “and we couldn’t be more excited to see what Bunn, Brian Churilla, and Dave Stewart have in store for us."

It must be noted that completion of a dissertation is not grounds for an automatic PhD, especially when working in a group. That being said, Bunn has a history of successfully working with a group of students to create wonderful comics. Terrible Lizard, for example, was the product of a mid-term project between Drew Moss, Ryan Hill, and Cullen Bunn for their “Toss It On The Wall And See What Sticks” seminar taught by Professor Larry “Serpentor” Hama.

(Cliff Chiang variant)

According to the leaked abstract for Hellbreak, Bunn’s primary argument against bad comics is:

There are thousands of Hells, each unique, each terrible. Mega-cities ruled by vicious gangs. Empires where the most perverse are well-respected. Wastelands roamed by prehistoric monstrosities. With the proper tools and know-how… you can infiltrate Hell whether you’re dead or not. With the proper tools and know-how, you can break out. Project Kerberos has developed this forbidden technology, and a special forces extraction team is dispatched to rescue lost souls from the infernal realm.

It is not difficult to draw the obvious connections between the fictionalized terms in Bunn’s argument and the real word problems facing comics today.  “Empires where the most perverse are well-respected” clearly represent Marvel and DC, American comic-book publishers with a history of sodomizing their readers with four or in some cases, five dollars “worth” of illogical twaddle.

The theory that “with the proper tools and know-how… you can infiltrate Hell whether you’re dead or not” exemplifies the difficulty new readers have with getting in to comics considering the high tariff rates and lack of cohesive continual story telling.. One of those interviewed by Bunn and his team went so far as to say that “Within my first year of collecting comics Marvel had three events all contradicting each other while at the same time telling, basically, the same heroes vs heroes story. It got to the point that I couldn’t tell one issue from another, and I only owned 50 comics.”

“With the proper tools and know-how, you can break out.” This here is the crux of Bunn’s argument that it is possible to escape the Hell we as comic book readers have built around ourselves. With the help of Hellbreak (whose first chapter will be available for only $1 flying in the face of current publishing policies of charging $5 for a #1) readers tired of Uncanny All-New eXtreme X-Men vs Avengers NOW feat. Deadpool will have the tools necessary to break free of the “big two” chains binding them to the yearly cycle of dumbfounding drudgery.

It must be stated that, although Bunn’s dissertation is expected to make it past the defense stage, the soon to be Dr. Bunn does know that part of an academic’s job is to help raise money for future projects.  To that end, although they may seem to fly in the face of his own arguments, the unstoppable co-creator of The Tooth will continue his DC and Marvel work with Sinestro, Magneto, (the best) Deadpool limited series (since The Circle Chase), and his forthcoming Moon Knight arc.

(Jenny Frison variant)

For the TL:DR professors out there too lazy to read the work of their students (Dr. Kemper, don’t think I forgot about you) here’s the official press release:

---

HELLBREAK #1
Writer: Cullen Bunn
Artist: Brian Churilla
Colorist: The Dave Stewart of colorists, Dave Stewart!

There are thousands of Hells, each unique, each terrible. Mega-cities ruled by vicious gangs. Empires where the most perverse are well-respected. Wastelands roamed by prehistoric monstrosities. With the proper tools and know-how… you can infiltrate Hell whether you’re dead or not. With the proper tools and know-how, you can break out. Project Kerberos has developed this forbidden technology, and a special forces extraction team is dispatched to rescue lost souls from the infernal realm.

WHY IT'S NEAT:

One part ALIENS, one part DANTE'S INFERNO, and one part INCEPTION, this is CULLEN BUNN's newest long form series at Oni Press, his follow up to the critically acclaimed The Sixth Gun. Joining him on this wild ride into Hell are the killer combination of BRIAN CHURILLA, creator of The Secret History of DB Cooper, and DAVE STWEART, comics' most acclaimed colorist, bringing their combined considerable storytelling and creature design skills to bear on this story of squad based action, the blackest of ops, and the long road into perdition.

Final Order Cut-off: 2/16/15
On Sale Date: 3/11/15
Diamond Order Code: JAN15126





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About the Author - GHERU


RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).

 


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