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EXXXCLUSIVE: DC Announces "Tone Deaf Variants Month" for July

Written by Jude Terror on Saturday, March 14 2015 and posted in News with Benefits


The company will embrace the concept of producing variant covers that offend the target audience of its comics.

Source: A 150 Year Old Cephalopod

Following a controversy incited  yesterday by the placement of a triggering image referencing sexual violence on the cover of a lighthearted, empowerment-themed Batgirl comic, DC Comics has announced that it will do the same thing for all of its comics in July with a special "Tone Deaf Variant Month" theme. During July, DC editors will look carefully at every title they publish, determine the overall theme and tone of the book, and then come up with ideas that totally contradict everything about them and are sure to confuse, enrage, and offend readers of the book. Every comic published in July will feature a Tone Deaf Variant, available freely for order by retailers so that they can be randomly inserted into the pull boxes of unsuspecting customers.

"For too long, DC has taken flack for unintentionally pissing off our own fans with stories and imagery that seem to fly in the face of our own stated goals of inclusiveness and equality," said gleeful DC Co-Publisher Jim Lee. "Well, I say: no more. For once, we're going to do it on purpose."

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," added pudding-brained Editor in Chief Bob Harras.

Coming up with 52 inappropriate variant cover ideas in a single month may seem like a daunting task, but its one DC's management feels they're up to completing. Though July is still four months away, the companies editors and interns are already hard at work on it, and Italian artist Milo Manara is being flown in on a private jet to begin drawing pornographic images of any book that prominently features a female hero. "We're pulling out all the stops," said visibly excited Co-Publisher Dan Didio. "We're sparing no expense on this one."

Some of the company's early ideas for the event include a Wonder Woman bukkake cover for Sensation Comics, a cover where Batman helps mentally ill individuals get treatment at a qualified facility instead of violently assaulting them, and covers for some of DC's kid-targeted all-ages titles that show the readers' parents brutally murdered with the tagline "Ha ha, your mommy and daddy are dead."

"Those are just some ideas we had on file already," explained a proud Didio. "We didn't come up with them specifically for this event, but I think they'll probably fit in well."

To help kick things off, DC has asked its fans to help them with a public brainstorming session for the July variant theme. Tweet your ideas for tone deaf variant covers at @DCComics with the hashtag #ToneDeafVariant to help them achieve their goals. We'd also love to hear your ideas in the comments below.

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