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WWE Spoils Wrestlemania Main Event: Brock Lesnar to Win

Written by Jude Terror on Tuesday, March 24 2015 and posted in News with Benefits

WWE Spoils Wrestlemania Main Event: Brock Lesnar to Win

Lesnar signed a new deal with WWE, so everyone can stop pretending Roman Reigns is going to carry the company.

Source: Wrestling Inc.

A sigh of relief swept over the WWE Corporate headquarters in Stanford, Connecticut as World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar announced he has re-signed with WWE. The former UFC Heavyweight Champion called the deal "an offer he couldn't refuse," and said that his UFC career was over. Now that Lesnar is staying with WWE, everyone can stop pretending that number one contender Roman Reigns is ready to carry the company as champion.

"You know, first off, let me tell you something," said WWE COO Triple H at a press conference following Lesnar's announcement. "Thank fucking god."

Reigns, who defeated fan favorite Daniel Bryan at WWE Fast Lane to win the shot at the title in a match designed to spite viewers, was slated to defeat a departing Lesnar at Wrestlemania, but now that Lesnar is not leaving, he can hold onto the title and Reigns can take another year to develop a moveset consisting of more than three wrestling holds.

The details of Lesnar's contract are not yet revealed, but dirt sheets are reporting that Lesnar will only have to wrestle three times a year and will make all future live event appearances via Snapchat. "Still, it's better than having Reigns as champion," admitted a very candid Triple H, according to our sources.

In other news, this reporter will be at Wrestlemania live on Sunday, so imagine right now that I am pointing my finger at you while gyrating my hips and grunting suggestively.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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