Marvel Comics - publisher of Spider-Man, The Avengers, X-Men, and thousands of other properties being made into films – is rumored to be renegotiating their relationship with comics news juggernauts Comic Book Resources (CBR) and Newsarma (Rama) before deciding which website gets to exclusively announce what new comic books BleedingCool and Rich Johnston revealed earlier this week. Although Marvel is happy that both websites followed instructions and ignored everything BleedingCool dropped on Monday, Marvel is reportedly upset at rumors that one, or both, news organization(s) employee writers who are not the biggest fans of every aspect of Marvel.
"We here at Marvel have come to expect a certain level of 100% adoration," stated Isaac Perlmutter - CEO of Marvel Entertainment – "and there has been a notable dip from 100% positive to 99.87% positive with an unacceptable rate of.13% neutral. This aggression will not stand!"
For their part both CBR (known for not allowing negative comments about the New 52 in their forums) and Newsarma (known for Top Ten lists that prove their writers have no idea what they are talking about) have sent the offending reviewers to prostrate themselves in the lobby of Marvel offices in New York City where employees of the publisher can walk around, over, and even on them. One Newsarama reviewer who requested to remain anonymous stated that she was ...
[S]orry that the 8 out of 10 review of Age of Ultron #1 The Best Shots Team was below the 9.8 out of 10 minimum allowed by the existing contract. We tried our best to find things to like, but there's only so much you can do with a book made up of Captain America crying in a corner. I guess we could have given points for his posture?"
The Outhousers sent Senior Public Relations Correspondent - Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E. (Frank) - to New York to discuss the negations with Joe Quesada (Chief Creative Officer of Marvel Entertainment):
Frank: Hi Joe! It long time!
Joe: Do I know you?
Frank: Yes! Frank and Joe talk many times. Once Joe even get Frank drunk.
Joe: Ah, yes, good times. What's up?
Frank: Frank and Outhousers want know why Marvel really re-negotiating with PR firms CBR and Rama?
Joe: Because they both have overstepped the allowed quota of non-positive Marvel articles published on their sites.
Frank: But that their job, they news sites.
Joe: HA! I like you, Frank; you're funny. Think about it: if they were news sites they would have at least acknowledged the abundance of rumors BleedingCool revealed on Monday. They wouldn't have to say the rumors were true, but how can anything calling itself a comic book news site just sit on their thumbs waiting for permission to even hint that Marvel will be publishing comics in October, let alone what they are.
Frank: Like when Matt Hardy no work for WWE but he keep jumping the railings because Edge stole Lita?
Joe: Yes... and I'm not sure how I feel about knowing that reference.
Frank: But if CBR and Rama do good by no reporting on news why Marvel no like them anymore?
Joe: It's not that we don't like them anymore; it's just that their brand of sycophantic rim-jobs just isn't enough when we can get better favors from the main stream PR firms such as USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, Vanity Fair,and even MTVNews.
Frank: What "sycophantic" mean?
There is no word yet on how the negotiations are going between Marvel and CBR / Newsarma, but search results hacked from the computer of a "high level" editor at CBR hint that things might not be going too well for the beleaguered comic book "news" sites.
We here at The Outhousers will continue to follow this story as it develops or until Marvel buys us off.
EDIT - 12:53 PM EST: An earlier version of this article misquoted Mr. q as saying "sycophantic blow-jobs" instead of the correct "sycophantic rim-jobs." We apologize for the mistake