BURBANK, CA— DC Comics has announced a new sales initiative aimed at readers ‘over 65 and up’ with the hopes of squeezing every last dollar from the group before they die of old age. The initiative is called the 'New 52 Font Size' and aims to deliver a quality large-print reading experience for comic fans whose eyesight has deteriorated due to the cruel passage of time.
Speaking from the podium at their launch event outside the Burbank Assisted Living Facility, the entire DC Comics Management Team was on hand to answer reporter’s questions. “Just as we’ve made a concerted effort to reach out to female readers and millennials with the #DCYou over the past year it’s now time to refocus on another core demographic,” said a beaming Dan Didio while holding up one of the new ‘large print’ issues that appeared to be titled Superman: Man Of with no ending noun. “Senior Citizens have been reading comic books since the beginning of this company and it’s high time we start appreciating their purchasing power.”
[Editor's correction: The full title of this comic is Superman: Man Of Steel however the word STEEL could not fit on the front COVER due to the increased font size and was later found to be on the back of the issue.]
Several titles have been announced as part of the New 52 Font Size initiative including The Relaxing Adventures of Pa Kent and Alfred Pennyworth, Sgt. Rock and the Local American Legion, and a new Batman series with a “strong emphasis on keeping teenagers off the lawns of Gotham residents”.
In addition DC Comics promised tailored ad inserts in each comic allowing sponsors to target the ‘65 and up’ readers with opportunities to purchase reverse mortgages, life alert systems, and even update their will to leave a small stipend to DC Comics editors in perpetuity.
However, perhaps the biggest change coming with the New 52 Font Size initiative is the increased page count. Each issue will skyrocket from 32 to 128 pages due to the increased size of the text and the technical issues associated with the same story into print. While DC has yet to show how these incredibly large speech bubbles will affect panel and artwork design, some members of the comic community are already speaking out against the changes.
"Frankly, I turned in the latest issue of Batman and when I saw the test prints, all I could see were everyone's feet sticking out from underneath text bubbles," said visibly disappointed all-star artist Greg Capullo. "First they stuck us with these Twix ads in the middle of the page and now I have to draw Batman horizontally just to get a full body shot in beneath the giant text."
Sample copies of the New 52 Font Size were distributed to the residents of Burbank Assisted Living Facility to mixed response, with some residents confused what had happened to their daily copy of the Wall Street Journal and others more concerned about whether the facility would be serving mashed potatoes again for lunch.
"Thank god it's Monday because that means they'll be serving up some delicious meat and potatoes," said 91-year-old resident Maxwell Sanderson. "I have to get it pureed of course, but let me tell you - nothing beats the classics."