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Cool Pope Francis Makes Surprise Appearance in Local 'Magic: the Gathering' Tournament.

Written by The Professor on Thursday, September 24 2015 and posted in News with Benefits

Cool Pope Francis Makes Surprise Appearance in Local 'Magic: the Gathering' Tournament.

In an unscheduled stop on his U.S. Tour, Pope Francis Impressed Local Magic Players With His Ability to Control Game Tempo and Skillfully Drain Opponents Life Total.

Source: New York Times

Washington, D.C.—Despite a tightly packed itinerary filled with meeting major political leaders and addressing the United Nations, Pope Francis once again proved his reputation for going off the beaten path by making an unscheduled stop at SNIKT! Comics and Coffee II to participate in a 'Magic: The Gathering' tournament.

The tournament, known as Wednesday Night Magic, is a weekly event sponsored by the store where local players can test their skills in a friendly but competitive environment and can also purchase new cards at a 10% discount. Players were stunned at the arrival of the Pope who reportedly walked in the store, pulled out his deck of cards and politely paid the twenty-dollar entry fee to participate in the tournament.

"We've gotten a few celebrities in here over the years but this one takes the cake," said astonished store owner John Saltzman while showing off one of the several selfies he took with the Holy Father. "Heck, once even Brock Lesnar stopped in and bought a few wrestling comics, but seeing the Pope show up for some Magic: The Gathering was definitely a moment for the record books. I can't wait to call my twin brother Steve and tell him all about it!"

Despite his holiness's kind and gentle demeanor, Pope Francis reportedly 'took no prisoners' when it came to winning rounds in the tournament. After swiftly defeating players in the first two rounds, many were stunned at the Popes notably 'aggro' play-style which focused on reducing his opponents life from 20 to 0 as quickly as possible using a variety of low-cost creatures and direct spell casting.

Local high-schooler Joshua Smith, who lost to the Pope in the second round, remarked on the Supreme Pontiff's skilled use of disruptive elements, which often inhibit other players abilities to respond.

"Yeah that old guy showed up and I almost started laughing because he was pretty much using an entirely white card deck," said the surly teen. "But then he had quite a few random elements in there and before I know it he's hit me with Stonecloaker and Mangara of Corondor and taken my best cards off the board. I was freaking pissed!"

Other players were similarly astonished at his Holiness's methodical take-down of several local Magic veterans in such a casual manner. While no one could begrudge the Pope his victory his appearance did cause a bit of controversy.  "Yeah personally I feel that play-style is a bit cheap but I guess you can't say that to the Pope or whatever," said fellow teen Sam Pickelton who lost to the pope in the fourth round.

"I said, 'dude why are you trying to chump-block me?' but he just smiled and patted me on the head before totally destroying my deck," Pickelton frowned. "I guess I need to keep practicing." 

Pope Francis went on to beat all players in the tournament winning that evening's 200-dollar prize. But in true fashion, the Holy Father immediately donated the winnings to the local soup kitchen before heading back to his hotel to rest before the next day of traveling.  

Astonishingly, this event is not the first time the Pope has appeared without prior notice to win a competitive card-game tournament.  Pope Francis previously made headlines in 2014 after coming in third place in the Milan Pokémon Championships. 

While the Holy Father could not be reached for direct comment, a spokesperson told the Outhousers that Pope Francis has already purchased many booster packs of new cards to ensure future opponents cannot predict his play-style in future tournaments. 



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About the Author - The Professor

The Professor is the sad clown of the Outhousers Team, unsure whether to laugh or cry. While he may not be an actual professor, we assure you he has a pile of useless degrees on par with any full-time slave of academia. With an unflinching nose for the stinking underbelly of the comic book industry, the Professor travels the country breaking imaginary news and avoiding creditors. A hobo philosopher at heart, Prof realizes all of his efforts mean nothing in the end, so why not have a laugh until then?

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