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Snake God Glycon Starting to Regret Choosing Alan Moore as Spokesman.

Written by The Professor on Monday, September 28 2015 and posted in News with Benefits

Snake God Glycon Starting to Regret Choosing Alan Moore as Spokesman.

The ancient and mysterious deity had a litany of complaints regarding Moore's role as spokesperson for Glycon worship including poor shaving habits, a declining work output, and a tendency to attack potential converts as 'emotionally subnormal' deviants.

????—Beaming directly into our minds from a realm beyond all human comprehension, ancient snake god Glycon spoke candidly to the Outhousers this weekend revealing it's growing reservations as to the competence of spokesperson Alan Moore's ability to properly prep humanity for servitude.  The ancient and mysterious deity had a litany of complaints regarding the British writer's behavior including poor shaving habits, a declining creative work output, and tendency to attack potential converts as 'emotionally subnormal' deviants.

"Mooresssss work hassss been unsssatisssfactory," hissed Glycon while forcing the Outhousers staff to look into a mirror screaming while blood poured from their eye sockets. "When we firssst contacted him, he ssseemed to have ssso much potential assss an assspiring writer. But what hasss he done recently? It ssseems like Moore is content to ressst on hisss former achievementsss while forgetting to ssspread the word of Glycon!"

Gylcon was referring to Alan Moore's tendency to distance himself from many of his most well-regarded literary achievements in the realm of comic book writing.  The bearded disciple first made waves in the publishing industry in the late 70's with his contributions to UK magazines 2000AD and Warrior.  Moore would then go on to formally hit the mainstream comic writing scene creating several 'now classic' tales for DC Comics including Batman: The Killing Joke, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, and what is now considered the last Superman story, Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow.  While these creations initially impressed Glycon with their ability to take old concepts and present them in a fresh and relevant manner, Moore would improve even further, hitting his stride during an independent period in the late 1980's leading to the creation of such works as From Hell and the anthology series Taboo. However the Snake God noted with frustration that Moore's subsequent two decades of work have failed to make the same impact as the early stages of his career.

"Why isss Moore sssso ungrateful to the fansss and indussstry that ssstarted his career?  Isss he embaresssssed of hisss rootsss as a comic book writer?  This angersss Glycon," hissed Glycon furiously while shaking the walls of the office until every glass window shattered.  "If thisss wassssn't enough, what isss with Mooresss insissstance that there is sssomething wrong with comic book readersss?  Doesssn't he realize he'ssss pusssshing away potential Glycon followersss with hissss consssistently rude and demeaning referencesss to comic fansss?"  

Glycon was of course referring to many controversial statements made by Moore over the years, which rather explicitly conveyed his disdain for the comic book medium, fans of the superhero genre and traditional archetypes in general.  Most notably Alan Moore made waves in 2013 when he referred to comic book readers as emotionally subnormal during an interview with the Guardian.  In that interview Moore stated his dislike of the term 'graphic novel' stating that, "readers latched on to it; they were simply interested in a way that could validate their continued love of Green Lantern or Spider-Man without appearing in some way emotionally subnormal."

While Glycon is not ready to completely dump Moore as the spokesperson for the soon to be mandatory worship of Glycon (bringer of death for all eternity, praise him) it is reportedly looking at other possible candidates as a replacement. "There'sss a lot of new talent in the comic book indussstry that ssseemssss to have the proper ressspect for ancient and powerful deitiesss in a way the pleasssesss Glycon," hissed Glycon while forcing the Outhousers to carve horrific symbols into their skin with shards of broken glass from the rubble of their destroyed office.  "Perhapsss Kieron Gillon will be a proper vessssell for my return?  Hisss work on the Wicked + The Divine pleasssesss Glycon."  

Only time will tell whether Glycon adopts a new figurehead for his impending takeover of our souls but signs seems to indicate that Alan Moore may lose favor with the unknowable cyclopean terror sooner than later.  At press time the Outhousers were unable to reach Alan Moore for a comment but they promise to follow up on this intriguing story as soon as they are able to stop lying in the fetal position babbling incoherently.  



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