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NYCC: Wildlife Biologists Eagerly Gather Outside Javits Center to Document Northeastern Nerd Migration.

Written by The Professor on Friday, October 09 2015 and posted in News with Benefits

NYCC: Wildlife Biologists Eagerly Gather Outside Javits Center to Document Northeastern Nerd Migration.

Like the pacific salmon's return to fresh water, the northeastern nerd migration brings thousands of geeks, dorks, and dweebs together in one spot to find mates and reproduce.



New York—This weekend, dozens of wildlife experts, biologists, and every day nature-lovers will grab their binoculars and flock to New York City to witness one of the miracles of nature taking shape. From the far reaches of the tri-state area, thousands of nerds will answer the call of their biological instincts and begin their long journey to the Jacob Javits Center for New York Comic Con. Nerds will travel by foot, by car, and even by train in what is known by scientists as the 'northeastern nerd migration' or 'NYCC' for short. This rare glimpse into the often reclusive world of nerds is an exciting event for those who study and document these creatures, allowing an opportunity to increase what scientists can learn about their rituals and mating habits.

For all we know about nerds, a surprising amount remains a mystery.  No one knows exactly how nerds know to head to the Javits center at the same time for the migratory event known as 'comic con'. However some primal compulsion causes nerds everywhere don their superhero t-shirts, backpacks, and cargo pants and travel to the convention center in large groups. Once at the event the nerds will don colorful outfits and collect scraps of colored paper drawn by other nerds in an attempt to raise their standing and attract mates. Ultimately the goal of every comic con is procreation and while most nerds will be unsuccessful, the sheer numbers of nerds out in full force helps guarantee the survival of the species.

"October is a big month for reproduction for many species," said Karen Bergousi, senior Zoologist with the Bronx Zoo. "Just as several species of Salmon are making their migrations from salt water to fresh water to mate, nerds use convention season as an opportunity to also hopefully spawn (or collect Spawn action figures) before they die. Our goal as researchers is not to interfere but hopefully tag enough of these beautiful animals that we can track them and learn more about their day-to-day habits."

The sheer numbers of nerds present at Comic Con is quite the view to behold. And as if directed by some unknown force, the chaos resulting these large numbers does not cause violence, as nerds manage to queue up into lines and head directly into the convention center. Once inside the nerds will be packed tightly, often generating extreme heat as they mingle and attempt to navigate the various booths inside the structure. However the journey is not without its perils, and many nerds simply do not possess the physical strength necessary to make it through the convention.

"Yes we've seen some sad incidents at the con this year so far," remarked Bergousi while jotting down some notes in her journal. "The saddest thing was seeing a nerd on his back weighed down by the amount of comic books in his backpack. I wanted to step in and help roll him over but I had to let nature take it's course.  After several hours of hearing his feeble cries, he finally fell silent." 

Bergousi says this year's nerd flock seems especially strong and diverse with nerds of all breeds including comic nerds, cosplayer nerds, video game nerds, magic the gathering nerds, and even the rare horror movie nerd. Such a mixture of interests helps create genetic diversity and ensure that the nerds will be able to protect themselves against illness and disease. When diversity is low the entire nerd flock can fall ill, which is what took place during the disastrous 'Con Crud outbreak of 2009'

"Yes that year was very frightening for all of us who study nerds," recalled Bergousi. "But luckily for all the nerds who make it to the con each year, even more nerds stay home witnessing the migration via their computers. And that means no matter how many nerds are lost during the migration, new ones will take their place."

While the Outhousers will not be attending this event because we are super cool and hanging out behind 7-11 smoking cigarettes, we can vaguely appreciate this ongoing circle of life and wish these nerds the best of luck or whatever.  

nerdlifecycle.png





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About the Author - The Professor


The Professor is the sad clown of the Outhousers Team, unsure whether to laugh or cry. While he may not be an actual professor, we assure you he has a pile of useless degrees on par with any full-time slave of academia. With an unflinching nose for the stinking underbelly of the comic book industry, the Professor travels the country breaking imaginary news and avoiding creditors. A hobo philosopher at heart, Prof realizes all of his efforts mean nothing in the end, so why not have a laugh until then?


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