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Earth-2 Bernie Sanders Touts Record of Accomplishment on Parallel Earth.

Written by The Professor on Wednesday, October 14 2015 and posted in News with Benefits
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Earth-2 Bernie Sanders Touts Record of Accomplishment on Parallel Earth.

With a strong platform of economic reform, stronger action against banks, and protection of the time-stream from multiverse invaders, the candidate's message resonated strongly with voters concerned about incursions from other dimensions.



Las Vegas, NV— Democratic hopefuls took the stage Tuesday evening for their first live debate, but one candidate in particular stood out among the field. With a crowd of competitors including former Secretary-of-State Hillary Clinton, Earth-1 Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, and former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley, it was Bernie Sanders of Earth-2 who seemed to capture the heart of the crowd.

Materializing on stage at the Las Vegas debate in a flash of lightning, Earth-2 Bernie Sanders stole the evening's momentum with a harrowing message of the danger facing our planet from multiversal invaders and his strong efforts leading the resistance movement on his own earth. "People of Earth-1 there's bigger things going on than Hillary Clinton's damn emails," shouted the grizzled veteran of the dimension wars while pounding on the podium with his robotic hand. "On my earth we've been fighting an endless battle against the Evil Salandrius Empire and we've still managed to raise the minimum wage higher than it is here on Earth-1."

Several candidates on stage objected to the unannounced appearance of Earth-2 Bernie Sanders, most pointedly Hillary Clinton who said the duplicate Bernies violated previously agreed upon protocol for the event. "If I knew we'd be bringing out counter-earth versions of ourselves, then I'd have several of my Hillary-clones on stage; but clearly I'm here standing behind my ideas and not touting a record that didn't even happen in this reality."

Bernie Sanders of Earth-1 and 2, while mostly cordial, did stress the key differences in their platforms when making their pitch to voters. "If you want a guy who knows what's going on here on Earth-1, there's no need to rely on my counterpart from Earth-2," said Earth-1 Bernie Sanders. "Earth-2 Bernie has his way of doing things with his laser gun ship and robot dog, but I think those methods aren't what's going to keep working class Americans employed and able to send their children to college."

Twitter responded mostly positively to Earth-2 Bernie Sanders' performance, with the candidate raising almost a million dollars by the end of the evening. Unfortunately none of the money would be able to be used by his campaign team as Earth-2 America had never won the Revolutionary War and operates on the British Pound. At press time, Earth-2 Bernie Sanders was polling at 6%, still higher than several candidates on the stage including Martin O'Malley and former Virginia Senator Jim Webb. With a strong platform of economic reform, stronger action against banks, and protection of the time-stream from multiverse invaders, the candidate's message seemed to resonate strongly with both young Americans and time-stream refugees from other earths hiding among the people of Earth-1.  

While strange, the multiverse disruption at last night's Democratic Debates were still calm in comparison to the battle that broke out at the recent Republican debates, where several Earth-3 'heroic counterparts' of Republican candidates emerged through a chronos portal and rushed the stage.  Leading the Earth-3 attack was Ted Cruz, the staunch Communist Leader of the Glorious People's Republic of Earth-3.  Screaming that he wouldn't let Earth-1 Ted Cruz destroy the world like Earth-3 Bernie Sanders had done, Earth-3 Ted Cruz was taken away by authorities while vowing that they hadn't seen the last of him.





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