Popular writer and filthy anti-Cyclops Wolverine lover Jason Aaron announced a renewal of his Marvel Comics EXXXCLUSIVITY in a press release published this week. Saying that the publisher keeps him happy with work on books like The Mighty Thor, Doctor Strange, and Star Wars, Aaron proclaimed to have "enough cool stuff on my plate to keep me happy for many many months to come."
"Of course, I would be happier if Marvel would finally resurrect Wolverine so that I could write more stories that show he's the best he is at what he does," Aaron hastily added, pointing out that what Wolverine does best is give Jason Aaron a massive chubby. But even without the return of Marvel's number one Mary Sue character in sight, Aaron will stick around in hopes that they'll eventually bring him back and he'll be allowed to write stories that show that Wolverine is a total badass who everyone wants to have sex with.
Many of Aaron's colleagues have left or stepped back from Marvel in recent years, mostly amicably, though clauses in Marvel's contracts prohibit its employees from speaking negatively about the company in perpetuity, so we wouldn't know it if they had beef anyway.
"We're really pleased to have Warren Ellis as a Marvel EXXXCLUSIVE," said Editor in Chief Axel Alonso in the press release. "Sure, it's weird that he keeps asking our IT guys to get him all the shirtless drawings of Wolverine by Barry Windsor Smith and then locks himself in his office for hours at a time, but look, the guy wrote Preacher, so we can deal with a little eccentricity, you know what I mean?"
At press time, Outhouse sources were reporting that Aaron plans to follow up on the previous shocking reveal of Jane Foster as female Thor by revealing that the mystical powers of Mjolnir have caused Foster to grow excess amounts of body hair and gain an affinity for using the word "bub." We'll keep you posted.