Burbank - According to sources inside comic book publisher DC Comics, a Thanksgiving turkey stuck on the head of company Editor in Chief Bob Harras is beginning to offend co-workers with its increasingly fowl odor. Harras, who returned to work on Monday from the Thanksgiving holiday with the bird stuck on his head, has attempted to remove it by assigning interns to "grab onto it and pull," but so far has met with little success. Though complaints about the bird's smell are mounting, Harras's productivity has not been affected, and early reports suggest that overall morale in the office is actually up since all communication with the Editor in Chief consists of muffled yelling and comically excited hand waving. Still, co-workers say the bird has got to go.
"At first, when he came in this morning, we were all like, 'oh, look, Bob has a Turkey stuck on his head again," said DC Comics employee and Batman writer Scott Snyder. "No one bats an eye when this sort of thing happens, you know, but it stopped being funny around the third or fourth time it happened."
Snyder told The Outhouse that he was considering working from home until the ordeal was complete, but that the events may inspire the next big Batman story arc, with Jim Gordon getting a bird stuck on his head leading to the return of Bruce Wayne in the bat suit. But as the day went on, the smell emanating from the rotting bird carcass began to overwhelm the office, and no amount of air fresheners or editorial mandates are able to quell the stench.
"The last time something in the office stunk this bad, it was Dan Didio writing Infinity Man and the Forever People," recalled Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns. "Face!"
The bird, which has reportedly been stuck firmly on Harras's head since late Thursday evening, would have begun growing bacteria after just two hours. Though a cooked turkey can last up to 3-4 days if properly refrigerated, food experts tell The Outhouse that "lodged on the head of a comic book executive" does not meet any of the required standards for proper preservation. Still, the risk to co-workers should be minimal.
"The Turkey poses no health risk to anyone in the office, aside from making the working environment generally unpleasant," assured the county's top Culinary Otolaryngologist, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms. "As long as everyone washes their hands thoroughly after interacting with Mr. Harras, there should be no cross-contamination."
At press time, a team consisting of Johns, Didio, Jim Lee, Diane Nelson, and Warner Bros. CEO Kevin Tsujihara were attempting to lube Harras's neck with butter and pull the bird off. However, that team has been unable to get anything done correctly since 2011. If unsuccessful, paramedics may need to be called in and the Jaws of Life employed to free Harras from the Turkey's grasp. We'll keep you updated.