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Comics Variant Virus Has Mutated, Now Infecting Regular Magazines

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, January 25 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Comics Variant Virus Has Mutated, Now Infecting Regular Magazines

A special Jim Lee subscribers only variant for Empire Magazine has been revealed, sending the medical community into a panic!

Source: CBR

For years, the painful disease caused by excessive comic book variant covers has been the number one killer of long term readership in the comic book industry. With symptoms that include elevated sales numbers that disguise falling actual readers, retailer delirium, and suicidal thoughts, the disease nearly helped bankrupt the comic book industry in the 90s. In the early 2000s, precautionary measures taken by publishers helped to almost eradicate the virus, but a rise in unprotected super-mega-crossover event making in recent years has brought the industry back into a full blown pandemic. Now, it seems, the variant disease has mutated, and is now affecting other periodicals outside the comic book industry, as Empire Magazine has just revealed a special Jim Lee variant cover for its latest issue:


While this is the only known case of a comic book variant infecting anything other than a comic book, researchers are worried that it could be just the beginning, with comic book variant covers eventually engulfing the world and killing off interest in more than 90% of the world's population of printed materials.

"Comic book readers know about the effects of variant covers, and do their best to avoid exposure," said University of DeVry's lead Publishimmunologist, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms. "But the outside world is largely ignorant of the damage that variant covers can do."

According to Puffinbottoms, if awareness of the disease is not raised immediately through hashtag campaigns and "some kind of colored ribbon," we could soon see otherwise sane, healthy people hoarding special copies of Home and Garden in sealed polybags, believing their collection will put their children through college. "It would be a dark time," Puffinbottoms said. "We don't have the resources to deal with an infection that large. It would be disastrous."

At press time, scientists were working to contain the virus by buying as many copies of the special variant cover on eBay and burning them. However, this has only increased demand for the cover, making the spread of the virus even more likely. We'll keep you updated.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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