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Obama Nominates Bill Jemas as New Supreme Court Judge

Written by Gavin D. on Wednesday, February 17 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Obama Nominates Bill Jemas as New Supreme Court Judge

Jemas is interested in the Judge role, there may have been some confusion.

President Obama announced today that he plans to nominated Double Take's Bill Jemas to replace Justice Antonin Scalia, who passed away of natural causes on Saturday. The President has been pressed by Republicans to allow the next President the honor of selecting the next Supreme Court Justice, but President Obama strangely declined to leave the seat vacant for a year. While many assumed that the President would select a left-wing candidate to replace Scalia, it appears as though he is trying to appease Republicans' wishes of a nominee more like Scalia.

Though most Republican pundits and lawmakers have criticized Obama's plans to appoint a new Justice during an election year, one presidential candidate has been oddly in support of the decision: Double Take's Super Packs. The collection of ten issues of ten ongoing series from the upstart publisher set in the universe of the classic sixties film Night of the Living Dead was entered into the Republican primaries as part of a promotional event called U-DECIDE-2 last week, and has already knocked Chris Christie out of the race. The Super Packs, featuring both a comprehensive immigration and foreign policy plan, a strict view of the Constitution, and an affordable price of just $19.99, are hoping for a good showing in the South Carolina primary on Saturday in order to establish themselves as a viable alternative to Marco Rubio, but political analysts are wondering what could cause an otherwise conservative candidate to take such an unusual position on the appointment of a Supreme Court Justice.

"Justice Scalia was an intelligent and upright man," said President Obama at a press conference at the Oval Office this morning, "But every now and again he would say or do something that was just pure 'applesauce.' And so it is my duty, as Commander in Chief, to pick a replacement which shall preserve the balance on the Supreme Court. We need a man whose sanity we question on a daily basis and whose opinions we all try to distance ourselves from."

President Obama then announced that the replacement would be Bill Jemas, former publisher of Marvel Comics and current head of Double Take. Jemas, considered an unlikely choice for Supreme Court Justice due to his complete lack of experience in the judicial system as well as his well-known drug habit, was nonetheless cited by Obama as replacement for Scalia that would result in the least possible upheaval for the court. Further, Jemas is more likely than just about anyone else to be approved by the Republican Senate, as most of the legislators are unabashed fans of Jemas's work on Marville.

Jemas then took the stage, where he attempted to gnaw on the President's face due to prior bath salt consumption. After being calmed down by his handlers, Jemas addressed the reporters, saying, "I am honored to be selected as the next Judge. I follow in the great footsteps of Karl Urban and Sylvester Stallone, men acclaimed for their ability to embody a beloved character."

A presidential aid then stepped in to inform Jemas that he was nominated to be a Judge on the Supreme Court, not to play Judge Dredd. At this news Jemas was displeased and immediately rejected the nomination. While it is unknown who will be nominated in his place, Joe Quesada was seen outside of the President's office, wringing his hands with a devilish grin.

Double Take's 3rd issues, along with Super Packs, will be available on February 24th. You can visit Double Take's website to read the issues for free, one per day, as part of a promotional attempt to win over voters.


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About the Author - Gavin D.

Gavin Dillinger exists in a constant state of restlessness as he runs between two jobs and spends every spare moment writing articles or scripts. He has also perfected the art of being simultaneously dead tired and jacked on coffee, and is the best-selling author of When is the Right Age to Tell Your Highway It's Adopted. Gavin graduated Cum Laude from MTSU and should probably get a real job. You can follow him on Twitter or see a random thought on tumblr once every three five months.

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