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U-DECIDE-2: Americans Face Critical Day in Election as Double Take Third Issues Hit Stores

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, February 24 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

U-DECIDE-2: Americans Face Critical Day in Election as Double Take Third Issues Hit Stores

Will voters support Bill Jemas's beloved Super Packs, or will the forces of establishment politics win again? The only ones who can DECIDE are U!

With the Nevada Democratic caucuses and South Carolina Republican primary behind us, America moves forward toward choosing our next president. And while the fate of so many important issues hang in the balance, perhaps there is none more important than the fate of Double Take's 3rd issue Super Packs, in stores today. The story of these Super Packs and their meteoric rise to take the country by storm began last November, when the first issues in Double Take's ten ongoing Ultimate Night of the Living Dead universe series were unleashed upon the American people, introducing them to radical ideas like comics that cost $2.50 and the ability to purchase ten ongoing stories set in the interconnected universe of the classic film Night of the Living Dead, together in a neatly wrapped package, for the even better price of $19.99, and also, the plan to build a wall across the Mexican border to keep out... no, wait, sorry, that last one was Donald Trump's idea. But we're pretty sure about those other things. Yeah, those were definitely Double Take.

To help them on their mission of bringing fun comics to the populace at an affordable price, free of super-mega-crossover events, incentive variant covers, and a rigged economy that benefits only the... hold on, the first two were Double Take, but that last one was Bernie Sanders... in order to bring those things to Americans everywhere, Double Take enlisted the help of The Outhouse, a rogue website of outsiders, operating outside the comics and political establishment, to prove that you don't need a Super Pac to sell Super Packs. And sure, Bill Jemas may have transformed into a winged hellbeast and terrorized the citizens of New York City, and sure, he may have tried to take over the website multiple times, and sure, he may have removed classified materials from government computers and stored them on his own personal server, and lied to voters to tell them that Ben Carson was dropping out of the election, and... wait, sorry, we keep getting this all mixed up. We're really sorry about that.

The point is, earlier this month, Bill Jemas, the hero that American democracy needs, threw his Super Packs into the race as part of his revolutionary plan to change America: U-DECIDE-2. And we're asking for your vote. And by vote, we mean your money. And by your money, we mean we want you to go your local comic shop and buy Double Take's comics, which are in stores today. And sure, you might be asking, why would we want you to support Double Take's comics when, as part of the rules of U-DECIDE-2, Bill Jemas and Double Take will, once again, gain control of The Outhouse if his Super Packs manage to outlast half of the dozens of Republican presidential candidates, especially when, with Jeb Bush's sad but, let's face it, predictable departure from the race, that outcome seems more likely than ever. But the fact is, The Outhouse isn't in this for personal gain. We want America, and as a result, the comics industry (or is it the other way around) to be a better place for everyone, and also, if Double Take controls The Outhouse, perhaps they will continue to give us money.

My fellow Americans, today, when you enter your local comic book retailer, you will have a choice to make. You could spend your money on lame duck DC comics that will soon be rebooted. You could throw away your dollars on Marvel comics that cost five dollars a pop, were just rebooted like four months ago, and are about to enter into a momentum-killing super-mega-crossover event that was literally conceived by editors in a board room starting with the idea "let's kill off a character." You could buy comics from dozens of smaller publishers which are, admittedly, pretty good, but whose producers aren't giving any money to The Outhouse to say nice things about them. Or, you could decide to support a company that fights for your rights to cheaper comics, that fights against the powerful Diamond distribution monopoly, that not only doesn't get butthurt and blacklist us for making fun of their top executive, but in fact, actively encourages it. You could spend your money on Double Take, and for the price of five Marvel comics, you could get ten. You could spend your money on Double Take, and for the price of... however the hell much DC comics cost nowadays - seriously, who reads those anymore? According to the sales numbers, not very many people... for the price of several DC Comics, you could get ten comics that don't suck.

Support Double Take at your local comic book shop today. It's your responsibility as a comic book fan. It's your responsibility as an American. It's your responsibility as readers of The Outhouse if you want its writers to continue to make tens of dollars for their hard work. Buy Double Take comics today. Please?

This message was paid for by the Friends of Bill Jemas. The Friends of Bill Jemas are not associated with or endorsed by Bill Jemas in any way. The Friends of Bill Jemas are actually a satanic cult dedicated to ushering in a a new era of total darkness and destruction for the planet Earth, and they were really impressed by that whole winged hellbeast thing that Jemas did, which, admittedly, was pretty cool. The Friends of Bill Jemas are holding our families hostage, and, oh god, they're going to kill them, they're going to fucking kill our families. Oh God, why, Friends of Bill Jemas, why?? Look, just click the banner ads, okay? Just click the god damned banner ads!!!


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!