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BREAKING: More Riots Break Out at Republican Candidate's Victory Rally

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, March 16 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

BREAKING: More Riots Break Out at Republican Candidate's Victory Rally

Everyone wanted to get their hands on Double Take's Genesis III Super Packs.



Tragedy and violence once again struck the Republican presidential race as riots and fighting broke out at a rally for a popular candidate in the party's primary race on Wednesday. What? No, we're not talking about Donald Trump. "Dog bites man" isn't news. No, we're talking about Double Take's Genesis III Super Packs, which are among the four remaining candidates in the race for the Republican nomination.

The fights began when protestors and supporters clashed at the rally. At first, the protestors intended to stand against the outrageous issues supported by the Super Packs, until everyone realized that the Super Packs didn't stand for any issues other than quality comics set in the universe of the classic film Night of the Living Dead at affordable prices. However, once everyone settled down, the realization that readers could purchase 10 interconnected comics for just $19.99 - that's just two dollars per comic - proved too much for the crowd, which was soon overwhelmed by a rush to reach the stage and buy copies of the Super Packs. Secret Service agents formed a circle around the unbelievably low-priced bundle of comics and quickly ushered it off the stage as the venue descended into absolute chaos, with the violence only ending after campaign manager and Double Take leader Bill Jemas announced over loudspeaker that voters could simply ask their local comic book retailer to order the Super Packs.

"I'm proud of what our Super Packs have accomplished," Jemas told reporters at a press conference via satellite from his Manhattan panic room in the aftermath of the event. "When we first entered our Super Packs into this race, I was just hoping to gain some publicity for the comics, but now that we're in the final four, I'm starting to think we may go all the way."

Though Double Take's Genesis III Super Packs do not currently have any delegates, Jemas is convinced the comics bundle could win the nomination in a brokered convention if Donald Trump fails to secure the required majority of delegates before then. "Look at these other dudes," Jemas remarked. "Could a pack of inanimate comic books possible do a worse job?"

In addition to possibly having his comic books win the highest office in the United States government, Jemas expects another big prize after last night's primaries. Thanks to a bet made with the owners of third-rate comic book website The Outhouse, Jemas will once again gain control of the site as part of the terms of his U-DECIDE-2 promotion, in which Jemas wagered that his Super Packs could outlast more than half of the Republican nominees, and with the suspension of Marco Rubio's campaign last night, that result looks inevitable. "Marco Rubio is currently holding onto his delegates, so he's completely not out yet," Jemas explained, "but I feel that control of The Outhouse, and possibly the most powerful military on Earth, are both within my grasp."

At press time, Jemas was encouraging supporters to visit Double Take's website and donate to the campaign efforts. You can find them at www.doubletakeuniverse.com.





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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.


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