Monday, September 24, 2018 • Evening Edition • "Tom Brennan's worst nightmare."


Written by Ali Jaffery the Hunk on Tuesday, March 29 2016 and posted in News with Benefits


11 am showing with just me, myself, and two older randy men fondling each other in the back during the trailers.

Source: Regal Cinemas

I went into this thinking, a nice change of pace, that I would not have enough to dissect in a two and a half hour film to stretch 30 posts. I no longer have fear. This movie is batshit insane and I want to you to take my hand as I take a walk through the same film differently over and over again for 30 days in a row.


Because they offered it and I want to know why.

The following post carries plot spoilers for the film.

This is Day 5.


I will admit I lost track of Ben Affleck's mole movement this time. Watching this movie at 11 am in an empty theater, while two older, randy men fondled each other's junk in the back, right end of the theater, is the perfect situation for watching this film. 

This watch was less of a chore than the night before, and so, my attention was brought to something new. After the Wayne murders scene, the film takes a POV of Metropolis during Man of Steel from the ground floor.

Never have I seen such a hard parallel to 9/11 in a film, let alone on a superhero film. Bruce Wayne comes to Metropolis in a helicopter and drives a Jeep to his Wayne building in the middle of the city. The car chase scene weaving through destruction was done fairly well. I was expecting them to not realize he ended up turning in a circle.

But, you're not here for what works. Let's walk through this sub-plot. Bruce Wayne, not as Batman, comes to Metropolis to help. Not help everyone, just his employees in his Metropolis branch. He starts calling his employee, Jack, to get everyone to evacuate the building. For up until that moment, with minutes of Bruce Wayne driving past falling buildings and explosions and fires, they were just typing away on their computers doing busy work. La-dee-da-dee-da, like they've seen worse Mondays in a Garfield strip.

Hey, Jack. Buddy. You don't gotta wait for Mister Wayne to call in an early dismissal when lasers are destroying buildings two at a time across the street. You're good. It's fine. He wont be mad. He'll understand.

So of course, Jack dies. Oh no! Ugh. Shit. Fuck. Not Jack! You remember Jack? From 2 minutes earlier? Or maybe you remember Jack from the comics, like a real not-fake nerd. We were so attached to him!


Bruce Wayne watched the building fall and runs to it. He runs into a man whose legs are crushed. Three dudes walk past a hurt man, but it isn't until Bruce Wayne shows up that they decide to save this Wayne security employee. Maybe Wayne Industries bars people from saving lives without getting a phone call too. Bruce Wayne then saves a little girl from collapsing debris. He tells her it is okay and that he'll bring her to her mom. Barring the point that she may have two dads instead, she points up at the now destroyed building when asked where her mom is by Bruce. So, on a weekday, this mom brings her daughter to work. Wait, no no no, she brings her daughter to the front of a building, then goes to work. Why was this little girl hanging out on the streets outside her mom's work? Was she a street magician? Is this Zatanna? Why does Ben Affleck drive a 2016 Jeep in 2013?

I'll admit I forgot to track the mole motions this viewing, but I found something else. I have watched this film five times now and I can say with no hesitation that Ben Affleck has batshaped lips. Now, here's where it goes from interesting to downright fascinating: the left side of his upper lip is higher than his right. Lopsided lips but only when he isn't wearing the mask. What could this mean? Was Snyder trying to show Ben Affleck's uneven split with the man he is and the bat he is after 20 years under the cowl? Join me tomorrow to hear about my sixth viewing of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.




grfdg43 copy copy copy


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!