Thursday, December 13, 2018 • Morning Edition • "Now part of a nutrituous breakfast!"


Written by Ali Jaffery the Hunk on Wednesday, March 30 2016 and posted in News with Benefits


It is coming together.

Source: Regal Cinemas

I went into this thinking, a nice change of pace, that I would not have enough to dissect in a 2 and a half hour film to stretch 30 posts. I no longer have fear. This movie is batshit insane and I want to you to take my hand as I take a walk through the same film differently over and over again for 30 days in a row.


Because they offered it and I want to know why.

The following post carries plot spoilers for the film.

This is Day 6.


After the destruction of Metropolis, we cut to 18 months later in the only scene that doesnt use harsh, contrasting tints. We end up in the tropics to 2 little baby boys snorkeling. Not off the shores of a Sandals resort while their parents try to reignite their sterile marriage in a bed warmer than their passion. But by an abandoned Kryptonian doohickie!

That's right; right in the middle of the sea is this huge alien thing. I couldn't tell if it was a ship, one of those laser drones, or those drills from Man of Steel. Regardless, it is something foreign and we all know the world we live in does not allow foreign things a loose leash.

These boys find some black clump, which I think was said to be whale poop, that is stuck on a reef. They rip if off and bring it to beach with locals and a white guy, the harbinger of evil. He dismisses everyone else's rocks, and walks toward the 2 baby boys. How he knew this poop clump was it, I'll never know. Prolly cause he heard the Hans Zimmer music swell like I did. He cracks it open and there it is! Kryptonite! Ooooooo so glowy! So big, you could make, like, 15 green lantern rings from it. (Full disclo: I should really start reading a comic book.)

The scene is shot beautifully; which makes it so weird with the rest of the film. Smooth, static shots instead of jittery panning. There's none of that stupid orange sun or washed out grey. 5 minutes and we're gone to the next scene. Only to have this scene recapped 15 minutes later. Useless, useless, beautiful scene.

You know whats weird? The only thing stopping tresspassing into the alien zone, are a buncha buoys saying no no, shame shame. Which is weird considering the crashed ship is locked and covered with an arena tarp back in Metropolis.

Speaking of Metropolis, I noticed something that will break your minds, folks. Horses. During the destruction of Metropolis flashback we see a horse cross the set. Then, when a DC courthouse is blown up, another horse seen front and center. Devastation equals horses. Fatal explosions are the harbinger of horses, just like the white man to cultural extinctions.

Wh...white man. Wait a minute. Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne not as Batman witnesses the destruction both times right when the horses appear. Could this mean Bruce Wayne needed to stop horsing around and treat the impact Superman has on the world as an active threat? This requires the need to revisit again. Join me tomorrow to hear about my seventh viewing of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.




grfdg43 copy copy


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!