Sunday, July 22, 2018 • Evening Edition • "At least we're not ComicsAlliance!"


Written by Ali Jaffery the Hunk on Thursday, March 31 2016 and posted in News with Benefits


Time for Lois Lane to pop in!

Source: Regal Cinemas

I went into this thinking, a nice change of pace, that I would not have enough to dissect in a two and a half hour film to stretch thirty posts. I no longer have fear. This movie is batshit insane and I want to you to take my hand as I take a walk through the same film differently over and over again for thirty days in a row.


Because they offered it and I want to know why.

The following post carries plot spoilers for the film.

This is Day 7.


We end up in the desert with spooky ethnic men and cool white dudes in sunglasses. You know they are white because they are the only ones that wear sunglasses outside of the big boss. Is this a Michael Bay film now?

One thing to notice is the addition of that gaudy orange-blue contrast lazy action films use. Which is juxtaposed to the brighter beach scene from a moment ago. Wait, is this actually a Michael Bay film, because I was kidding before?!

So two hooded capturees are taken from a Jeep and presented to the big boss. One of them is Lois Lane! Gadzooks! Amy Adams carries the kind of kickback personality her character is known for when addressing the warlord, which was appreciated. (Full disclo: no, I haven't gotten around to reading a comic. Too busy watching The Adventures of Lois & Clark.)

But, uh oh, the other capturee is a CIA spy with a tracker. Things aren't looking good for him. Hope Superman isn't near by to stop a gunpoint execution, yaknowwhatinsayin? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Oh. Oh wait. Oh no. Superman doesn't come till many people have died. That guy is dead. Well then.

This brings up an incredibly important point. What exactly does Lois Lane do? I know she is an investigative journalist, but how far is the Daily Planet's reach? To send her overseas for a story while you're based in the hub of easy Superman clickbait seems weird. Who's buying your papers, Perry? The only thing dying worse than printed news, are 5 dollar comics that are written for the trade. Did Superman know Lois was beefing with a warlord? Why did he let that dude die? Why was he late? Was it because he read it in the perpetually out-of-date Daily Planet? Could this be Zack Snyder telling us the follies of not adapting to the digital market as a primary source of attention? Could this be a jab at his bedmate, DC Comics? This scene needs a revisit. Join me tomorrow to hear about my eighth viewing of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.


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