Sunday, December 16, 2018 • Morning Edition • "*the sound you hear when PAC-MAN dies*"


Written by Ali Jaffery the Hunk on Friday, April 01 2016 and posted in News with Benefits


Does Supermang kill?(!)?

Source: Regal Cinemas

I went into this thinking, a nice change of pace, that I would not have enough to dissect in a 2 and a half hour film to stretch 30 posts. I no longer have fear. This movie is batshit insane and I want to you to take my hand as I take a walk through the same film differently over and over again for 30 days in a row.


Because they offered it and I want to know why.

The following post carries plot spoilers for the film.

This is Day 8.


Why did it take Superman so long to save Lois? So many people were shot before he came! Later in the movie, he's in the mountains. Just walking around in a parka and hat. Superman doesn't need a hat or coat! He stands in the arctic pulling battleships out, and not once are his nipples torqued! Baby Boy El needs those security blankets from Banana Republic. (Update: I am told a parka means "journey" on Krypton. That's on me; my bad.) But, he is in the mountains and reaches Lois as she falls from a Lexcorp Tower. She didnt even fall a quarter of the way down and he was there all "howdy, partner." Being all coy and shit.

There's a US hearing about Superman causing all these deaths. They get a villager to testify to a comittee about who to blame and the blame is set on Supes. But, almost everyone died of gunshots. Like, literally, all but one person. Now, these films aren't my grandparent's superhero films...


But Superman doesn't use guns. Batman does now, but Superman doesn't use guns. He doesn't even own a stupid "don't tread on me" flag! Someone with guns shot the warlord's goons and the villagers. I'd be trying to figure that out, Senator Holly Hunter. Also what kind of witness is this villager to not recall that all the pop pops happened way before the 'thunderous boom'? These are serious things to think about, but the comittee don't care. That's the government for you. Keep your hands away from my gruns!

He crashes on Lois in a hostage situation. They exchange glances and Superman plows this dude through a few brick walls. Now, I'm no crash test dummy connoisseur, but he's dead, right? After the second brick wall, if not the first.

Wait. Wait wait wait. Oooooooooooooohohoho, shit! Could this be a way for Zack Snyder, DC, and Warner Brothers to tell Mark Waid, Dan Slott, and others to go suck on an egg? 'Superman killed again. What are you gunna do about it, pops?' Thats fucking provocative as fuck, dude. I need to go back and see what other subtleties I missed the eighth time I saw this film. Join me tomorrow to hear about my ninth viewing of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.




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