Tuesday, December 18, 2018 • Afternoon Edition • "We put the lotion in the basket."


Written by Ali Jaffery the Hunk on Saturday, April 02 2016 and posted in News with Benefits


Batfleck, Bacne, My God...

Source: Regal Cinemas

I went into this thinking, a nice change of pace, that I would not have enough to dissect in a two and a half hour film to stretch thirty posts. I no longer have fear. This movie is batshit insane and I want to you to take my hand as I take a walk through the same film differently over and over again for thirty days in a row.


Because they offered it and I want to know why.

The following post carries plot spoilers for the film.

This is Day Nine.


We cut to an overhead shot of a street from an apartment balcony. We see Lois Lane, aka ace reporter aka Superman's public makeout partner aka Amy Adams, get out of a cab to the apartment she shares with Clark Kent, aka hahahaha 'reporter' aka not Superman aka OhShootWhats HisNameAgain. I think that's super progressive to have a character that has a working, positive polyamorous lifestyle. Just kidding, they just didnt think this through.

Here starts the angled shots between Lois Lane and Supermang. Outside of the final two scenes with both of them where one is a Kryptonian carcass, Superman lords over Amy Adams. Always looking down. I get it, I totally get it. Clark Kremt is basically a God. I know this because this movie wont stop calling him a God. So the camera always looks up at him. This scene takes it a step further. They put Lois naked in a bathtub (as opposed to wearing old timey bathing suits like good little baby boys like me), and Clark is lording over her. The camera is angled to impose as such. So the audience has to infer that there is a weird power imbalance in the relationship itself because, ding dong, Superman is a god. This robs the opportunity to show an equal footing between the two in their relationship, which would have been far more interesting.

Clark decrees how he doesn't care that a committee has declared him responsible for a bunch of villagers being executed. Just real chill and shit. Who cares? Clark doesn't. Not even an ounce of curiosity how all those folks died and who killed them.

Then they bone in the bathtub. His glasses fall on the floor and a moment later water gushes over him. Infer that however you please.

What caught my eye this time was that even in the scenes exclusively about Clark, Batman looms over the scene. Warner Brothers and DC want you to know Batman is no one's side partner. This is a Batman film and yall better recognize this. Why do I say this? From where do I bring up such a statement with sheer audacity?! Well Batman IS the first in the title. Also! Also, in the beginning of this scene when Lois gets out of the cab, there are four black umbrellas and one red umbrella surrounding the sidewalk.

Now, if we turn this ninety degrees clockwise and flip vertically, these five points match up EXACTALLY with Ben Affleck's four black moles and one bacne on his back during the crossfit scene later on. Im getting closer and closer everyday, Warner Brothers. Closer. And closer. Join me tomorrow to hear about my tenth viewing of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice.




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