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REPORT: Laryngitis Outbreak Rocks Wrestlemania Crowd

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, April 04 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

REPORT: Laryngitis Outbreak Rocks Wrestlemania Crowd

The sudden spread of infection led to strangely low crowd noise during the most important parts of the pro wrestling event.

Source: ScoopsCentral.com

Last night in Dallas, TX, at the biggest Wrestlemania ever, in a stadium packed with over a hundred thousand totally real, legitimately counted people, a sudden and widespread outbreak of laryngitis nearly spoiled what had been a magical night. In the main event, just as our hero, Roman Reigns, was about to make his entrance for his main event battle against World Heavyweight Champion Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the previously rowdy and engaged crowd appeared to simultaneously be afflicted with the viral infection of the larynx, causing their collective noise to audibly lower in volume by several decibels.

A fan captured the exact moment of the infection on video. Watch and listen, as the crowd, upon hearing Reigns' entrance music begins, loudly chant's the popular wrestler's catchphrase, HOOOOOO-AAAAHHHH, in preparation of showering him with deafening cheers. However, they almost instantaneously become silent as symptoms The Mayo Clinicdescribes such as dry throat, hoarseness, tickling of the throat, and weak voice or voice loss set in:

The sudden loss of voice was devastating for the sporting event, as the response of the crowd is normally integral to conveying the excitement of the competition. As the match wore on, the crowd attempted to struggle through the affliction, but had become so disoriented that they seemed to be cheering as dastardly villain Triple H performed offensive moves on Reigns, and booing as Reigns performed offense on Triple H, even cheering wildly when Triple H delivered a low blow to Reigns while the referee was distracted, as this fan video shows:

For more on this, we spoke to tenured professor at the prestigious University of Phoenix and world-renowned expert in the field of wildly complicated explanations for simple phenomena, Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

"I've never witnessed such an advanced case of laryngitis," said Professor Puffinbottoms. "Normally, delirium isn't one of the symptoms, but anyone watching the event could clearly see that the crowd reaction to a man with a godlike physique, beautifully conditioned hair, and a history of overcoming the odds as an underdog contender was highly irrational. That is, when they were able to make noise at all."

According to Puffinbottoms, a case of laryngitis that causes the sufferers to sporadically lose their voices is extremely rare, and hasn't been seen at such a scale since the March 31, 2015 episode of WWE Monday Night Raw. "I need to conduct more research into why this particular strain of virus only infects fans of professional wrestling fans," Puffinbottoms explained. "I have a theory that the effects might have been visible earlier in the broadcast, as fans seemingly cleared for loser Damien Sandow, a comedy wrestler who would never get that kind of reaction from lucid people."

By the end of the night, after a triumphant Reigns defeated Triple H to secure the championship for his third time, the laryngitis had apparently set in for good, as the crowd was unable to muster any response whatsoever. Luckily, an incredibly elaborate fireworks display was prepared by WWE to celebrate Reigns' long-awaited and well-deserved victory.

At press time, all 101,763 attendees of last night's event, which we can once again confirm was definitely the actual number, were reportedly enjoying a nice cup of eucalyptus tea with honey and lemon. Doctors are concerned, however that a similar outbreak could occur at tonight's Monday Night Raw event. We'll keep you updated.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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