Saturday, July 20, 2019 • R.I.P. Edition • Comics: we give a crap!

BREAKING: CBR Sold to Valnet, Inc; Future of Comic Book Fluff News in Doubt

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, April 04 2016 and posted in News with Benefits
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BREAKING: CBR Sold to Valnet, Inc; Future of Comic Book Fluff News in Doubt

Nothing assures us of the promise of journalistic integrity like the words "brand portfolio."


Source: Press Release

According to a press release, former Comic Book Resources owner and deceased Stone Temple Pilots vocalist Jonah Weiland has sold the Eisner Award winning website to Valnet Inc., an internet media corporation which hopes to use the website to diversify its "brand portfolio," a phrase which here means website containing glorified press releases kissing the ass of major comic book publishers.

"After 21 incredible years running CBR, it's time to begin a new chapter," said Weiland while counting enormous stacks of money on his yacht and lighting expensive cigars with $100 bills. "I'm very proud of what the site has become and what the CBR team has accomplished. Knowing that the CBR legacy will continue to grow in the capable hands of Valnet and their team is enormously gratifying."

Weiland said he plans to purchase more pairs of court side LA Clippers tickets with the proceeds, and will spend the next two weeks shouting into a pillow about how much he actually hated all of the crappy, gimmick-laden Marvel and DC event comics the website gave favorable press coverage to over the years. The Outhouse has obtained EXXXCLUSIVE footage of Weiland's post-sale celebration:

"For all the grief we've given him, Jonah Weiland deserves his success and it's been an honor to malign his integrity and insult his life's work in our articles for the past few years," said Outhouse lead snarky news writer Jude Terror, commenting on the sale. "I'm glad we get to trash him one last time, for old time's sake, with this meanspirited article. I'm really going to miss him."

The current CBR editorial team will remain intact as Valnet takes over the website's Los Angeles office. The addition of a corporate stakeholder to the formula of a comic book news website relying on advertising revenue from the same companies it covers is expected to make the comic book journalism landscape "even better," according to industry analysts.





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