Both Marvel and DC Comics revealed via teaser images that Lois Lane and Mary Jane will become superpowered crimefighters in upcoming comics. Well, they probably did. Maybe. Possibly. It's hard to figure out, based on two reports from popular Top Five Listicle website Newsarama. For DC, the news came from this Superwoman teaser image, which astute comic book journalists noticed was contained in a file whose name was "lois."
In their report on the topic, Newsarama took four paragraphs to explain the complex continuity involved in making Lois Lane Superwoman, and still ended up no closer than when they started to figuring out exactly which potentially alternate reality Lois Lane this could be. We read the paragraphs over twice and our blood pressure and heart rate began rapidly dropping, so we had to stop before the nonsensical nature of superhero comics continuity literally killed us. We pity the fabled "new comic book reader" that has to try to make sense of this.
Over at Marvel, things aren't faring much better, with Mary Jane apparently appearing in the new Iron Man comic that we're sure as shit not reading. Apparently, the latest teaser image for that book shows what websites are speculating to be Mary Jane in her own suit of Iron Man armor:
Once again, Newsarama was left struggling to piece together what was going on:
This replaces the originally solicited Invincible Iron Man #9 cover Mary Jane donning some Iron Man armor. That cover will not be used at all, according to the publisher. The solicitation copy also suggests Mary Jane would don Tony's armor in the issue.
Gah! Why is this so complicated? If the solicitation says Mary Jane will don the armor, and a previous cover showed her donning the armor, and a new cover also shows her in the armor, then can't we just say "Mary Jane will get some Iron Man armor" and be done with it? And yet, Newsarama still speculates that it could be Pepper Potts in the armor, though how much of this is simply the click-starved website looking to fill an article's worth of space with what should be a single sentence worth of information.
We mean, look. This isn't rocket science. On the one hand, you have a picture of Lois Lane in a Superwoman costume, flying through the sky. Ergo, you can assume Lois Lane is Superwoman. Done. On the other hand, you have Mary Jane in Iron Man armor. Mary Jane is Iron Whatever. Look how easy this is!
Whatever the case, we're fairly certain that you can look forward to seeing some version of Lois Lane as Superwoman, and either Mary Jane, Pepper Potts, or both in one or two Iron Man armors in the coming months. We could try reading these comics ourselves so we could get tell you for sure, but let's be honest here, we're not going to do that. We've got far better things to do, and this is comics journalism, which is like a step above carving poop-themed limericks in the wall of a restroom stall at a local burger joint, except the toilet limericks will have a longer-lasting impact.
Look for these titles in stores at some point, we guess.