Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the landing skid of a helicopter flying over a Bernie Sanders rally.
Today, I have brought my extra large shovel, because I have got a massive scoop for you! According to that poseur Kellvin Chavez at Latino-Review, the role that Tessa Thompson is playing in Thor: Raganarok is none other than Valkyrie, the Asgardian warrior chosen to lead the Valkyrior, a team of women whose job is to bring fallen warriors to the halls of Vahalla, a bowling alley in the Asgardian afterlife that offers bottomless pitchers of cheap domestic beer and half-off shoe-rentals.
Comrades, this is a big deal! In the comics, Valkyrie is a white woman, so the casting of a mixed-race actor to play her is certain to rankle certain segments of the internet population. I'm not going to say that those segments consist of butthurt racists, but if the jackboot fits and the ass cream is soothing... well, you can figure it out. Haw haw haw!
My friends, I think that Tessa Thompson is a great choice to play Valkyrie. Che Guevara was from Argentina, but he fought bravely alongside your El Presidente in the Cuban revolution, so I've learned that a person's ancestry doesn't matter, as long as they do a good job. I'm excited to see Tessa's performance in the film, and I hope it does for her career what appearing as my sidekick in the revolution did for my little buddy Che. Just as long as she doesn't end up suffering the same fate he did. Stay out of Bolivia, is what I'm saying, Tessa.
Of course, while this news ended up on Latino-Review, that's only because your government has still not lifted the the trade embargoes that block my superior Latino-themed comic book movie rumor website, Cubano-Review, from appearing in your capitalist Google searches. I had the scoop first of course, but hey, let Kellvin take all the credit. He really needs it now that no one reads his site anymore since El Mayimbe left.