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Outhousers Top Ten List of Possible "Captain America: Steve Rogers" #1 Spoilers

Written by GHERU on Tuesday, May 24 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Outhousers Top Ten List of Possible

While others are trying to win the race, we're over here playing the fantasy version.


Source: boredom

In a surprising move in The Race To Publish First, Bleeding Cool's lead rumormonger Rich Johnston publicly decided to not publish what he knew about Wednesday's Captain America: Steve Rogers #1. Telling readers that the issue:

... will utterly change the history and very nature of Captain America. This was probably the big announcement originally planned by Marvel for yesterday in the wake of DC Universe Rebirth spoilers but it's looking like it's now been held back.

Then he poses the question:

So what is it?

Rich knows the answer. He always knows. He's always known. Just ask him.

But he won't tell us. Why? Well it's not a blatant show of bias towards Marvel especially considering Rich made the opposite decision in regards to DC's Rebirth spoilers, so don't even ask!

But who cares "what it is?" The more important question is "what could it be?"

So, with great pride we present

The Outhousers Top Ten List Of Possible Captain America: Steve Rogers #1 Spoilers

  1. Ben Riley will be revealed as a clone of Steve Rogers who has secretly been living in a retirement community for 10 years solving mysteries with a black man who claims to be John F. Kennedy.

  2. All-New, All-Different Marvel is a dream universe created by Doctor Manhattan, and the Watchmen characters are coming to the Marvel Universe.

  3. Steve Rogers transforms into Hillary Clinton and the entire issue is a lecture on how Bernie Sanders should drop out of the primaries.

  4. Steve comes out as gay after having his mind read by Jean Grey. He starts dating young Iceman, but begins to have flashbacks of being "trapped in the ice" during intense lovemaking sessions.

  5. After exposure to the Terrigen Mist transforms Steve it will be revealed that he is an Inhuman and only the super soldier serum was preventing his transformation and it was his Inhuman DNA that made him the singular success of the super soldier program.

  6. A trip to Ancestry.com convinces Steve that he is an albino African-American.

  7. Steve Rogers gives Sam Wilson a present. A year later tells Wilson he was just supposed to "hold on to it" for him.

  8. The Super Soldier Program was actually an alien experiment gone wrong. The scientists were really trying to replicate that process that created Rocket Raccoon.

  9. Steve Rogers and Clint Barton switched places years ago and no one ever noticed.

  10. It will be revealed that Steve has absolutely no idea if Sam Wilson can talk to birds or what his deal is. This confusion will lead Steve to question everything he knows as he slowly realizes that Deadpool has been right all along and all and he is just a character in a comic book. Rogers, again, spends three issues crying in a basement before deciding to slowly drink himself to death, but only if the all-powerful Writers let him.

So, dear readers, what do you think?

Do you have other possible spoilers?

If so, let us know in the comments, on Facebook, or on Twitter.  We really have nothing better do to.




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About the Author - GHERU


RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).

 


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