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Friends, Family Worry as Kate Mara is Game for 'Fan4stic 2'

Written by Zechs on Friday, August 26 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Friends, Family Worry as Kate Mara is Game for 'Fan4stic 2'

The epidemic is now affecting nearly everyone involved with the box office bomb.

Well isn't this just fantastic! We're now at ironically FOUR intrepid people whose careers took a perilous journey into the worst film of last year, and all have shown signs similar to, but worse than, dementia. This is clearly a serious issue that shows no signs of stopping, and the latest victim is, sadly, the one we predicted would be hit next: Kate Mara

If anyone is to blame for it all, it's IGN, who interviewed Mara for her latest film, Morgan. Even at the behest of her agent to not ask the question, and contrary to the advice of medical professionals and the World Health Organization, the interviewer at IGN ignored protocol and asked the actress about a Fantastic Four sequel anyway:    


After the interview, Mara whipped out her blonde wig which she wore numerous times in post-production for the original film, as witnesses described a palpable change in the actress's entire demeanor. She then proclaimed to the horror of all those around her, "See. I'm all ready. Let's do this! We'll make it better this time! The previous franchise got a second chance. Why can't we?! WHY CAN'T WE?!" Mara then began cackling madly before being subdued by trained professionals who are standing by everyone involved in the production, just in case.

Mara was taken to the same medical facility that still has her fellow co-star Miles Teller as a guest. The head doctor at the institute, Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, also Professor at the esteemed Gizmonitic University, and world-renowned expert on the effect of bad movies on mental health, blamed Fox for failing to take adequate precautions to protect the cast and crew of the toxicly bad film.

"I've told Fox what they need to do save the human race before it's too late, but they aren't listening," Professor Puffinbottoms explained. "They refuse to sell the Fantastic Four rights back to Marvel Studios, even though it's widely agreed upon in the medical community that this is the only way to stop people from desiring to make a sequel to Josh Trank's box office virus and dooming themselves to a confused and disturbed mental state that's worse than death." 

Puffinbottoms then said that he and the students of an advanced astronomy class he teaches at Drumpf University have already set into motion plans to leave a future plague-ridden Earth either via spaceship, or by burrowing deep underneath the Earth.

"Actually, you know, underneath the Earth would make a good pla--ACK... a good place-ACK," Puffinbottoms stuttered, his panicked eyes darting around wildly as he clutched at his throat. "It would make a good setting for a sequel to Fantastic Four!"

Oh no, Professor Puffinbottoms! Not you too!

"It's too late for me!" Puffinbottoms gasped. "Take my spaceship, Zechs! Save yourself! Save yourself before it's too late!"

You know, it would probably help leave behind some of the stink of the first film if they used an exploration into the far reaches of space as the... as the premise...

NOOO! A man! Yesssss! I wassss onccce a maaaannnn! Onccccce a maaaaaaann! 

A Fan4stic 2 would be a good thing. Let's hope everyone is game and it's in our future. 


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About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.


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