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Final DC Writer's Workshop Revealed to Be Elaborate Death Trap

Written by Jude Terror on Wednesday, August 31 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Final DC Writer's Workshop Revealed to Be Elaborate Death Trap

The final class of comic book writer thought they would receive lessons from Scott Snyder, but instead they received THEIR DOOM!

Source: Bleeding Cool

Reports around the web indicate that DC Comics has held its final writing workshop of the year, marking the last chance for up and coming creators to gain entry to the comics talent development program hosted by superstar writer Scott Snyder that aims to groom the next generation of DC writers. Rejection letters were sent out for those who didn't make it, prompting many websites, creators, and Twitter personalities to offered their condolences to writers who didn't manage to get n this year. However, an account of the final day revealed EXXXCLUSIVELY to The Outhouse indicates that those who were rejected may have been the lucky ones.

We sat down with Angus MacStickenbutt, an aspiring comic book writer with several self-published comics and a funded Kickstarter under his belt who claims to be the sole survivor of a bloody massacre that occurred on the fateful final day of classes at DC University. We offered MacStickenbutt a glass of water, which he declined to drink, instead launching right into his story.

When MacStickenbutt arrived at the address listed by DC Comics, he found what appeared to be a dilapidated, abandoned mansion which gave off what MacStickenbutt described as "a really eerie vibe." Nevertheless, MacStickenbutt knocked three times on the door as instructed, waiting to meet his idol, Scott Snyder.

"After the third knock, the door slowly creaked open on its own, and there was nobody standing there," MacStickenbutt told The Outhouse. "It was pretty weird, but I took a few steps inside anyway, and then a strong gust of wind slammed the door behind me. I didn't think much of it at the time, so I walked through the foyer and found the rest of the class gathered around a large wooden table in the library."

According to MacStickenbutt, some of the other students appeared nervous, and there was no sign of Snyder or any other DC personnel. "A few of us wanted to leave, but we agreed that maybe we should split up and look around the house, in case Snyder was waiting for us in another room with a DC Comics job offer."

The students, who numbered twelve by MacStickenbutt's count, split into groups of two and began exploring different areas of the house. MacStickenbutt and his partner, a young webcomic writer named Sarah, ventured into the basement to look for clues.

"The stairs were really creaky, and there was a pungent odor that smelled like a raccoon or something had crawled in through a window and died down there," MacStickenbutt explained. "But when we got to the bottom step, things really got crazy. Sarah was walking in front of me, and this big pendulum thing with razor sharp edges came swinging out of nowhere and chopped her clean in half."

Terrified, MacStickenbutt tried to escape.

"I screamed and ran back up the stairs, but the door was locked behind me," he told us. "Then the stairs started to flatten out into a slide one by one, and it was really slippery, forcing me down toward Sarah's corpse and the pendulum thingy."

MacStickenbutt thought he was done for, but at the last moment, he was able to make a timed leap past the pendulum and into the basement. But he still wasn't safe.

"I barely had any time to catch my breath before I started hearing muffled screams coming through the vents. I figured the other students were in trouble too, but there wasn't much I could do other than press on and try to find another way out."

Cautiously, MacStickenbutt felt his way around the dark basement, looking for any means of escape, and avoiding several other deadly traps, including a volley of poison darts triggered by stepping on a floor panel, a trap door opening into a pit full of venomous snakes, and an ax-wielding skeleton that came to live and attempted to murder MacStickenbutt before he was able to smash it to pieces using a heavy writing journal he had brought to the class in hopes of showing Snyder his work.

"Finally, I made it to what I was pretty sure was an elevator, and I managed to get inside," MacStickenbutt said, looking pale. "But as soon as I pressed the button and the doors closed, spikes began protruding from the walls, which I noticed were slowly getting closer. At the same time, I could hear more screaming from upstairs, followed by silence, and I knew that I was the only one left alive in that god forsaken house!"

It seemed that MacStickenbutt's fate was sealed, but  somehow, he managed to make it out alive.

"I was just lucky, I guess," MacStickenbutt concluded. "The point is, if you're one of the people who were rejected by DC, don't let it get you down. You should keep making comics, and one day, you'll be able to make it on your own, with or without the help of a murderous multinational conglomerate."

Having left us with his sage advice, MacStickenbutt stood up. He picked up the glass of water we'd offered him earlier and drank it down in just a few gulps. As he turned and walked away, the water spilled out of dozens of holes covering his body, in the exact pattern of a spiked-wall elevator trap.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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