Thursday, May 23, 2019 • R.I.P. Edition • Newsarama 2: Outhouse Boogaloo.

Everyone Else Stuffs Harvey Ballots, Cheats Valiant of Rightful Victory in Stunning Shutout

Written by Jude Terror on Sunday, September 04 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

Everyone Else Stuffs Harvey Ballots, Cheats Valiant of Rightful Victory in Stunning Shutout

Let's just all agree that Valiant deserved every award and the winners are nothing but a bunch of no good cheaters.

Allegations of corruption were rampant at Baltimore Comic Con last night as the results of the annual prestigious Harvey Awards were announced and not a single Valiant Entertainment comic won an award. Valiant had previously garnered more than 35% of the total nominations in a completely legitimate process which was in no way the result of ballot stuffing by Valiant employees, interns, and the members of the Valiant Fan Forums. Due to the shocking nature of the total shutout, many industry watchdogs concluded that every other publisher nominated for an award except Valiant must have stuffed the ballots to prevent Valiant from winning, despite Valiant nominees consisting of more than 40% of ten categories, and in some cases 80% of the nominees of a single category.

"This is a complete outrage," said esteemed Valiant fan forums member Dirtbag Sailor, who was also outraged when people accused the fan site of rigging the 2015 Best of Comics awards at /r/comicbooks just because the forum had a thread encouraging users to do exactly that. "Valiant fans or employees would never engage in that kind of unscrupulous activity. It's another attempt to malign the good name of Valiant and its fans by a jealous industry of haters and misanthropes!"

Illustrating his point, hater and misanthrope Tom Spurgeon of The Comics Reporter tweeted drunkenly after the event:


"I think Tom Spurgeon is wrong, and someone should do a recount or just hand all those awards over to Valiant," said Outhouse reporter Gavin Dillinger, who hopes to one day get a job at the publisher as a way to escape the soul-sucking hellhole of comics journalism and break into the comics industry. "If nothing else, my favorite character, Circle Chest, should have gotten at least two awards. This is a total sham."

Valiant editor Tom Brennan pledged to go on Twitter and be an insufferable douchebag for the foreseeable future, though when asked if it was a response to the Harvey results, he responded, "what Harvey results?"

At press time, authorities were looking into whether or not to file criminal charges against the entire rest of the comics industry for vote manipulation and election fraud, though Harvey Awards chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz denied any accusations of misconduct. We don't want to give these cheaters any attention, but if you really want to know who screwed Valiant out of their Harveys and don't mind giving a click to that hater Tom Spurgeon, you can read the full list at The Comics Reporter.

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