Making the news this week and prompting hundreds of impassioned memes on your Facebook feed, the Canadian city of Montreal has passed on a ban on pit bulls, a popular but controversial breed of dog which is believed by many to be more prone than other breeds to turn on owners and attack humans or animals. Here at The Outhouse, we try not to get involved in trending, contentious topics unless they are going to get us lots of web clicks, which, okay, is all the time, but nonetheless we feel the need to speak out on this important issue because of the effects it will have close to home, in the international comics community.
On October 3, the Montreal pit bull ban will go into effect, preventing anyone from adopting or otherwise acquiring a new pit bull in the city. Current pit bull owners will have to purchase a special permit for about $115 US, because it's a well-known fact that potentially deadly things are totally safe as long as you pay the government money. But what many proponents of the new law don't realize is that, since the law also applies to mixed breeds containing pit bulls, many American comic book creators will no longer be allowed to visit the city for comic cons and other events.
"I'm part pit bull," admitted Cullen Bunn, superstar writer of comics such as Uncanny X-Men and Monsters Unleashed from Marvel, Aquaman and Lobo from DC, and Conan the Slayer from Dark Horse, in an EXXXCLUSIVE interview with The Outhouse. "It's way back, on my mother's side. My great great great grandfather married a pit bull, which was very common back in those days, you know. So I'm 1/16th pit bull."
Jebediah Bunn and his wife, Bandit, circa 1878
"Back in in my great great great grandfather's day, he wasn't even allowed to walk down the street with his wife unless she was leashed, and people were always looking at him suspiciously, like he wasn't going to pick up after her or something," Bunn told The Outhouse. "I thought our society had moved past those times, but sadly, we haven't learned anything from history."
Though Bunn has never shown violent tendencies, many believe that it's only a matter of time before he, like others with pit bull genes, reveal their true nature by mauling a small child or attacking an editorial assistant during a publisher creative retreat. According to our sources, there are dozens of other comic book creators and industry personalities with pit bull ancestry, which could explain why they as a group are prone to sudden, aggressive outbursts on social media. Champions writer Mark Waid, sources tell The Outhouse, is reportedly 75% percent pit bull. With Montreal, and several other cities as well, enacting pit bull bans, a lot of creators will be unable to attend local conventions, book signings, or dog parks in these cities, which could hurt local economies and disappoint fans.
"The idea that, just because someone has pit bull blood, they can't be trusted is purely discriminatory and has no basis in fact," said Bunn, whose cheerful demeanor and adorable babyface make it difficult to believe he could ever turn violent. "I hope that people realize that this is... this is..."
Bunn stopped talking mid-sentence as his eared perked up and a far-away look glazed over his eyes.
"RUHRUHRUHRUHRUHRUHRUHHH!" Bunn barked, lunging at us suddenly and snapping his teeth. Luckily, we had insisted he be tethered to a nearby table during our interview, and we were able to escape unharmed.
At press time, sources reported that Marvel Zombies artist Arthur Suydam has no trace of pitbull blood in his body, and will therefore unfortunately be allowed to return to Montreal Comic Con next summer.