Marvel has revealed their latest round of hip hop variants, according to a report from Bleeding Cool. As is tradition, The Outhouse has asked comics' number one hip hop duo and Marvel's top executives to explain it to us. Without further ado, we welcome to The Outhouse: rapping Axel Alonso and Joe Q!
"Yo, my name is Axel and I want you to know that our line of hip hop covers continues to grow," Alonso rapped, unveiling a new set of hip hop variants that had been made into animated gifs by 2 Dope Boyz that illustrate how Marvel ripped off the ideas from old album covers to boost their comic book sales. "So sit back and listen to me spit these riffs, while you check out these sweet ass gifs."
"It's actually pronounced 'jiffs'," Quesada interrupted.
"Shut up Joe, and give me a beat!" Alonso rebuffed him.
"The House of Ideas has gotten some backlash for all the classic stories that we lazily rehash," Alonso continued. "But fear not, true believers, there's still appeal for these hip hop album covers that we blatantly steal."
"The term you're looking for is 'homage,'" Quesada corrected him.
"Shut up Joe, and give me a beat!" Alonso replied, annoyed. Quesada complied.
Through deft rhymes over Quesada's dope beats, Alonso explained that Marvel had no plans to stop remaking classic hip hop album covers as Marvel Comics variants, basically just copying the covers and replacing their subjects with Marvel superheroes. The business model works great for Marvel, who doesn't need to bother coming up with anything creative, and doesn't even need to pay any royalties to the original artists who came up with the concepts.
"We're remaking these covers from hip hop's stars; the ideas were theirs, but the money is ours," Alonso rapped. "But don't feel bad, they're not getting screwed. They're being paid with honor and gratitude."
"That's even better than cash, suckas!" Quesada interjected. Alonso glared at him.
"So retailers be sure to check yourselves, then check the incentives and put these covers on your shelves," Alonso begged. "There's a higher purpose to all of this, we swear - we've gotta beat DC in the market share!"
"Rebirth has been kicking our butts, yo!" Quesada added, earning a stern look from Alonso.
"Joe, what am I gonna say?" Alonso asked him.
"I just--" Quesada argued.
"What am I gonna say?" Alonso repeated.
"Shut up, Joe?" Quesada guessed.
"And give me a beat!" Alonso ordered.
"Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh," Quesada beatboxed.
"When it comes to storytelling we don't have a plan, so we'll keep milking this gimmick for as long as we can," Alonso concluded, his flow as slick as ever. "Creatively bankrupt? That may be. But who cares as long as we're making lots of money?"
"Word is bond," Quesada finished. "Unless it's a release date for one of our comics."
"Let's go, Joe!" Alonso rebuked him, dragging him off the stage by his ear. Check out the variant covers below!
US Avengers "designed" by Omar Casanova & Wil Quintana
Prowler "designed" by Ray-Anthony Height & Rob Schwager
Unstoppable Wasp "designed" by Nelson Blake II
Unworthy Thor "designed" by Stonehouse
Ghost Rider "designed" by Felipe Smith