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EXXXCLUSIVE: Outhouse Writer Sells Out, Jumps Ship to Greatest Competitor

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, October 31 2016 and posted in News with Benefits

EXXXCLUSIVE: Outhouse Writer Sells Out, Jumps Ship to Greatest Competitor

The day has finally come for Jude Terror to leave The Outhouse, prompting widespread outcry of "what took him so long?"

To all good things, there must inevitably come an end. The same is true of mediocre things, apparently, because The Outhouse is today able to EXXXCLUSIVELY report that longtime lead snarky news writer Jude Terror has signed a contract with a competing website and will end his tenure at the semi-satirical comic book website at the end of the day. According to sources, the decision to leave behind a website that Terror worked for years to help build into an industry powerhouse that shirks the status quo of PR compliance and barely disguised shilling in favor of unrepentant cynicism and reader advocacy was not an easy one, requiring an arduous soul-searching which weighed the pros and cons of such an important change.

"I did it for the money," Terror told sources, as well as anyone else who would listen, while jumping up and down holding fistfuls of cash in both hands, reportedly.

Terror leaves behind a capable team led by Outhouse Co-Editors-in-Chief Tim Midura and Gavin Dillinger and senior snarky news writers sdsichero, GHERU, Zechs, and IvCNuB4, whom he reportedly holds in the highest regards and will miss very dearly.

"Gavin who?" Terror asked sources while counting his money. "I've seen what when?"

GHERU will reportedly take over as lead snarky news writer who gets all the attention while sdsichero does all the hard work in Terror's absence, making "Jews" the number one group of people the site will self-deprecatingly poke fun at, replacing Terror's former "fat guys with beards," although, if we're being perfectly honest, RU has put on a few pounds over the years as well, and when is the last time he shaved?

"So long, fat ass," sources tell The Outhouse GHERU said to Terror as he squeezed out the door a final time, reportedly adding, "Oy vey! What a schmuck!"

In addition, a wonderful team of feature and review writers will continue to deliver the honest, insightful commentary the Outhouse has become famous for thanks to the work of the dozens of current writers and alumni that have graced the site with their presence over the years. With so many great minds working together, the site will likely accomplish more than it ever did with Terror at the helm, perhaps even managing to finally assign an editor to Zechs. With such a wealth of talent and personality, according to sources, it's impossible for Terror to choose a favorite amongst them.

"Amanda Comi," Terror reportedly said. "Amanda was always my favorite."

That unbiased sentiment was clearly reciprocated by the team during Terror's departure, with Comi commenting, "Finally!" and Tim Midura adding, "Good riddance!" Truly, it was a sad day in The Outhouse Newsroom, accentuated by loud cheering, the popping of champagne corks, and a fireworks display in the third floor bathroom that was met with tears from all in attendance, or at least it looked that way after the smoke set off the building's sprinkler system, which was actually probably for the best, considering all the first degree burns suffered by those in attendance.

The mood was somber at the website's forum department as well, with Forum Manager and Mawd Chief Houman Sadri asking, "We have a front page?"

Preferring to go out with little fanfare, Terror reportedly declined the opportunity to write a heartfelt goodbye post, choosing instead to use his last day to bring to light one of the most important issues facing the comics landscape today and plead with readers to take action.

"Buy Double Take comics," Terror said. "Click on the ad banners to the right for more info."

Perhaps more than anything else, Terror will miss the readers of The Outhouse, a fine group of intelligent, discerning individuals who choose to get their comic book news and commentary from the most cynical, consistently negative site on the entire internet, despite the fact that Terror uses basically the same five or six jokes over and over again, repackaged for different articles.

"They may be a bunch of thin-skinned, backwards-minded, argumentative assholes," Terror told sources. "But they were *my* thin-skinned, backwards-minded, argumentative assholes, and I'll miss being called an SJW by them on a daily basis."

As to where Terror is headed, the former snarkmaster remained tight-lipped, even amongst his most trusted associates.

"That doesn't matter," said Terror before disappearing into the sunset. "All that matters is that you heard it here first, you did, right here at The Outhouse."

Five minutes later, Terror came slinking back, according to sources, embarrassed and mildly sunburnt.

"Shit, I still have to work the rest of the day, don't I?" Terror said. "Damn."

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